Me Speaky Fakey Hawaiian

Hawaii is this exotic, mystical place with weird cultural differences, a former monarchy and our own language and yet we are a part of America. However, I beg you, please do not makeup words under the guise of “it’s Hawaiian,” please do not adopt a “Hawaiian” name and please do not make up cultural ceremonies or better yet, please do not tell a Hawaiian how to better understand their culture.

I work for a wedding website and I research vendors and pass them off to the sales department. When I come across something like this on a website, it makes me see red.

Mily (mill-ee): Hawaiian name meaning "beautiful"

First off, Hawaiian is a 13-letter alphabet. There is no “y” in our alphabet.  The Hawaiian word for beautiful is Nani. I know this; it’s my sister’s name.  Please do not move to Hawaii and adopt a “Hawaiian name” meaning you plugged your real name into a Hawaiian name generator. For the record the Hawaiian language is technically a dead language so some of the newer names aren’t going to have a “Hawaiian” name. I just find it, bizarre. People don’t move from Hawaii to the mainland and change their name.

“Oh well my name is Malia but I go by Mary now that I moved to the mainland. Malia, that’s just my island name. “

Please don’t move to Hawaii, look up a fake Hawaiian name and then name your business after it. I don’t speak for all Hawaiians but for me, personally. I was born with my Hawaiian name. Moving to “the islands” and deciding to make this place your home does not entitle you to a “Hawaiian” name. Be respectful of the culture and the natives. It’s one thing to appreciate our history and our ideals it’s another thing to bastardize them.

I am not saying, by any means, that everyone who comes to Hawaii does this. I grew up with many people on the island who were not “Hawaiian,” but were amazing, respectful people. You can be kama’aina (a resident) without being insulting. I’m not even saying that some people do this on purpose. They just get excited by the beauty and the traditions and they get swept up in the whirlwind romance of the island. Just be aware of what you are doing and saying. It’s like getting a Chinese symbol tattooed on you only to realize instead of “joy” it says “soup.”

When I turned 25, I was at a bar celebrating my birth and met a young, skinny, pony-tailed man who I found out just returned from a 3-month university stint in Hawaii on the Big Island. I love to gossip about Hawaii and find out other people’s experiences. He flatly asked me if I was Filipino.

Side Note: Most Hawaiians take offense to being called anything but Hawaiian. If you pin us with a different race – Samoan, Tongan, Tahitian, Micronesian, Filipino, we get a little unnerved.  

I told him I was Hawaiian and drunkenly mentioned that the Big Island was boring to me. He basically verbally assaulted me that I obviously don’t have any interest in my culture and that I need to educate myself on my traditions and my heritage. Well, I almost ended up in jail.

To be cheesy, I am very proud of my heritage. I danced hula, surfed, took Hawaiiana classes, had Hawaiian history courses, learned to play the ukulele (most of this is public school courses, though). I enjoy discussing Hawaii and Hawaii’s history with people. I like to answer questions and get people’s take on Hawaii. I know a few people who hate Hawaii – too much heat, too much relaxation, too much traffic. It’s my home, I’m proud of it. I want people to enjoy my aina (land). I just don’t like to be disrespected as any person would.

How's this for "Special?"

 

In the year 2011, I was invited to 7 weddings. Eight if you include mine. So far the pictures I’ve seen of the weddings have all had a different element. My cousin had people blow bubbles instead of throw rice or at my wedding, orchid petals. A friend had games at her wedding, couple trivia and a game called “guess which feet are your wife's.” Often weddings are portrayed as these boring, tradition-filled, extended family reunions. Your wedding can be anything you want it to be. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Don't let anyone tell you what is expected of you on YOUR wedding day. Give an inch, your families will take a mile.

There are some cultural traditions, however, that can't be missed. One “tradition” that I did at my wedding was I danced a hula for my husband. What is tradition for some, is exotic for others. I had a friend and a cousin who also danced a hula for their new husbands, but the beauty of this tradition is you can pick your song. I danced to Ke Aloha a romantic and intimate lovesong written by my cousins grandmother, Lei Collins. I went to Halau O’ Lehualani in Edmonds, WA (http://www.hulaolehualani.com/) to learn my hula. My aunt and my little cousin both dance for this halau (class). The Kumu (teacher) is one of the best I have ever have the privilege to know. She is patient but strict, kind but serious. The best mix for any teacher.

Almost any hula halau that you find will be willing to teach private lessons. While hula is a Hawaii heritage tradition it is not restricted in anyway to Hawaii or Hawaiians. If you want to do something special or different for your wedding, even if you aren't from Hawaii or have never danced a day in your life, you can take the time to learn how to hula. Most Kumus will be patient and teach you hula from the foundation so your hands will be fluid, your hips will sway gracefully and your smile will be genuine. I danced professional Polynesian style dance (hula, Samoan, Tahitian even some Maori) for a total of 13 years but I never had to dance the hula by myself. It was terrifying but it was for me a spiritual, heartfelt gesture to my new husband. I also heard it made a few people cry, so I'm taking that as a positive.

Every wedding is unique and beautiful but it is up to you to make it reflect you and your husband. Whether it's dancing a hula or throwing organic confetti, make sure your wedding is as special and meaningful to you as it is to your guests.