I Do What I Do

I love my family and my friends and I, like most people, want to believe I am a good person. However, I do things that might indicate I am, in fact, a horrible person. Let me break it down for you.

Often, I forget birthdays. Unless you are living near me I will probably forget your birthday. If I do remember your birthday expect a super late card and it’s probably because Facebook reminded me the Day Of your birthday. I’m sorry in advance for all the birthdays I miss to tell you how awesome you are. I remember a few birthdays that have been drilled in my head. My Tutu’s (grandmother’s) Dec 12 (she’ll be 92 in 2012), my little sister Nani’s May 29, my dad’s is Feb. 3 I believe, I’m Nov. 15 and my husband is March 13. Other than that you will have to remind me over and over and over again when your birthday is. After a slew of apologies and a belated card, I will forget next year.

Phone calls are not my friend. I HATE talking on the phone. The most I do is talk to my father and my Tutu every few days. So more than likely our conversations will be by text and often times I lose my phone. Actually quite often. I’d say for the majority of the day I forget where my phone is. Once I found it in the freezer along with the remote to the TV. I am absent minded and lazy, so keep that in mind.

Words will fly out of my mouth that will make you think I am a rude, uneducated degenerate. That is going to happen if you know me long enough. I curse, I tell really inappropriate stories and I discuss things in public that shouldn’t be discussed outside of the bedroom. Yes, I am that person. I am a pervert, I am crass and I am pretty weird.

I will embarrass you in public. I will tease you a little. I will jump to conclusions. However, with the bad comes the good.

Those who are my friends and family know the following:

No matter what you are going through, I’ll be there. As much as I hate talking on the phone if you text me “something happened can we talk?” I will call you before I think about responding to the text. I will drop everything I am doing to come to your aid. I will bail you out of jail. I will pick you up when you have a flat. I will bring you soup when you are sick and chocolate and wine when you want to destroy the world and then I’ll destroy the world with you.

My loyalty knows no bounds. I will get into a bar fight for you. I will defend you. I will cock block for you. I will have a series of questions lined up to ask your significant other unless you vehemently and specifically tell me not to. I will fight for you in a court of law. I will shield your name if gossip arises when you’re not around. I will be true to you, but do not expect me to comment or talk poorly of anyone who has harmed you. Unless, I, personally have issues with the person I am your friend but your enemies are not my enemies. I will not talk ill of your ex-lovers, that is your job to decide what that person is to you.

Your problems become my problems. My life story is long (already) but you will know it by heart. I will lay all my cards on the table in an effort to get you to tell me yours. I want to know you and you will know me. When you hurt, I hurt. I will send you gifts from across the country if you are going through a terrible time.

Tell me a story. I want you to. I like to hear how your day was, what’s bothering you, what you learned, what trips you’re planning, an invention you’re working on or anything. I will listen and I enjoy it. You have a photo album? Bring it! I love photo albums. I love seeing people live their lives.

I will teach you all I know if you ask. I will love, honor and respect you. I will give you hugs every time we part and I will nervously wait for your text to confirm that we are in fact friends/family.

I am a ball of nerves an odd mix of anxiousness, excitement, happiness, fear and energy. If you can put up with my quarks I think I’m worth the trouble.

Your Daily Dose of Duke #13

Muah hahahaha 13th!!!

Yeah, I love my dog. We've had a sunny weekend so Duke was pretty active. We did a 4-mile trail run then had a beach day and now he is recovering in the only way Duke knows how.

Duke's idea of yoga on a sunny day.

No, No Yoga for you!

Robot Duke wants your trust.

Ah, yes, the good life.

So good he can't keep his eyes open.

The best way to recover from a busy weekend, can you find his paw? Yeah.

Luke, I am your father...

Even I couldn't resist his sloth-like ways he makes a great pillow.

Losing and Finding

My mother passed away July 26, 1997. She was 49.

It has been almost 15 years since my mother passed. The hole she left still gapes and bleeds. That’s a long time for anyone to go without the strong guidance and love of the woman who bore you. Over the years, I have collected woman. Strong women – physically, mentally and emotionally. I have looked to these women, not as a replacement for my mother though I often saddle them with the title of “Mom,” or “Ma.” I look to these women as my life. This is my way to show my appreciation for the women in my life who I could not bear to be without.

Throughout the years I have had many women come and go. The friends and family who have remained true in my life, who have at one point or another supported me, advised me, loved me and been on the other line of a distraught phone call; have steered me into becoming the happy, healthy, wonderful person I am today. The people I chose to surround myself with are the people that reflect not only myself but Nancy Adele Arciero, my mother. There will never be a replacement for her, ever. I remember how she was, how she'll always be. She was always smiling, she danced hula, taught aerobics, was involved in our schools, was a substitute teacher and could light up a room. For some people who knew her, she stood as their only true friend. Our house had an open door policy, as my house does now.

To name off every person and explain why I cling to these women would be misleading and dishonest to all of the accumulation of women who have guided and shaped me over the years. It’s not one, it’s ALL. There are the constant women who I interact with almost every day either through phone, email or in person. Then there are the woman who I want to interact with everyday, who I know I can call on if I need it, who offer advice when I ask, who have taken me in when I’ve fallen, who have helped me up when my life was a smear on a highway.  

If you are one of my closest confidants, if I tell you “I love you,” do not take it lightly, because I don’t. I cherish every moment bathing in the glow of a woman who is different than me, who has shown me another way, who has struggled and shared with me their past, their life and their misfortune. To the women who have listened to my stories without judgment, without reprimand, without “notes,” I thank you.

Losing a parent is never easy, for me, losing my mother was like being lost in the woods. I didn’t know which turn to take to get me home. The paths winded and curled and some were mere circles. I still don’t understand the finer points of make-up, hair, clothing, shoes and even my own feelings and self. I can tell anyone the stories of my life without shedding a tear. I am very good at detachment. Losing my mother set my life down a path I wasn’t ready for, as losing a parent does for anyone at any age. It was only because of the women I found to carry the torches at night that I was allowed to develop. They let me make a wrong turn and find comfort in their arms. They pushed and prodded and moved me in such profound ways that though I am still in the woods, I can see the forest for the trees and I have made a home in the wilderness. I have forged myself from fears and missteps; heartache and failure. Being lost in the woods is no longer a prison, it’s a choice.

My father will always be my best friend and my first love. However, being a woman is nothing like being a man. I am not a man, so I sought out those to teach me. You all have given me pieces of yourself. Little jigsaw puzzle pieces. I have used those pieces to fit and form and create a mother. A mother who is spread throughout the world, who comes from all backgrounds, all walks of life and all experiences.  Throughout the years it is my friends and family, MY WOMEN, who have given me back what I have lost almost 15 years ago. I can’t express my gratitude, but this was my attempt to do so.

Between Trails and Treadmills (Hips and Dips!)

Confused by that title? I know, but all will make sense soon. One of the nerdy things my husband has to put up with are my weird obsessions. I’ve embarked on running for the second time in my life. The first time I didn’t get very far before a roller derby injury flared up and I lost all my running abilities when I could barely walk for a month. My other obsession that I’ve rekindled is hula dancing. I danced in a traditional hula halau (troupe) for 10 years on Oahu. When I moved to North Carolina I danced with another halau for 3 years. These are two things I love and have let, for more than once in my life, consume me.

Poulsbo Beer Run

“You can’t outrun death.” These are the inspiring words my husband leaves me with as I tie my running shoes. It makes me laugh. I started running to lose weight and I’ve kept running because it makes me feel…amazing (plus I’m still losing weight). I made up my own program or routine for running. I set weekly goals that alternate between distance and time and give myself 3-4 days a week to accomplish them. For instance, when I first started my week's goal was to run a quarter of a mile. The following week was to run 5 minutes. If I didn’t reach a goal in a week I would repeat the goal. This week my goal is four miles next week my goal is 50 minutes. It’s taken me almost 3 months to get to this point of running. 

Here is what I have learned about running these 3 months:

Patience and dedication are important. If you want to run, know that it won’t happen overnight that it will take sweat and even (in my case) tears. I cry over spilt milk. I cry when my goals aren't met. It’s a slow build and you will get totally frustrated with your body some days. You will want to quit, almost every day. If you take 2 weeks off from running you will probably lose major progress. 

BREATHE. Breathing shallow quick breaths will mess you up. If you’re starting to get tired or there are pains and you want to keep going, focus on your breath. Make sure you are taking deep full breaths and if you’re really struggling do that whole in through the nose out through the mouth thing. It sounds obvious, but it’s not when you run 2.5 miles and you feel like you are going to die but you know you can go further it’s probably because you are wheezing like an old man having sex.

Shoes (Oh My God Shoes!). Good shoes are important and expensive but worth it. Whether you want to go minimalist or want arch support go to a local running store get your gait test done and get advice on what you should be running in because the last thing you want are busted ankles and shin splints.

You will have off days. You will have days where you want to run and you’re psyched to run but you can’t seem to get through it and it makes you want to punch babies…that’s normal, hey, tomorrow is another day use the pain to remind you to stretch or take a day off but just avoid babies.

Don’t run back to back to back. Let your ankles, calves and shins rest once in awhile. If you do want to run everyday built up to it real, real slow like.

People will discourage you and misguide you (not on purpose…usually). There’s a lot of misinformation about running thanks to the world wide web. If you want to run, listen to your body and drown out anything or one else. People will tell you it’s bad for your knees, to land on the balls of your feet instead of your heels, to run barefoot, to run on sand, to run 3 days in a row, to never run downhill, etc etc. Maybe they are all right, bottom line, do this for you and listen to how your body responds. If you run on your heels and the next day your ankles feel like you dragged yourself out of that prison in the Count of Monte Cristo while having a ball and chain attached to both feet, maybe don’t run like that anymore.

Given the expense of shoes, the constant vigilance and the heartbreaking defeat you might be asking “why would anyone do this?” I get it running is not everyone’s deal and some people can’t do it at all. Personally, I do it because the victories are worth the defeat. The feeling I get every week when I accomplish a goal have kept me on the path of health and happiness. Because after a long fulfilling run, I sleep like a baby and am amazingly happy for days. Also, it gets my mind to stop talking to itself. It’s very zen. I can’t think about anything but what I am doing. It’s my hour of peace.

I started running on a treadmill and I actually preferred it for the first month and a half. Yes, at the gym there are weirdos but I know my exact running time and distance. I usually watched TV and kind of zoned out and thought that was easier. As the weather started to get better in the Pacific northwest I was able to run outdoors more. I hate running on main roads. I don’t like people to see me running because I’m slow and probably pretty awkward looking. I chose to do trail runs. Single track is preferred. It was harder at first. There was no TV distraction, the trails required more effort and hills suck. Soon, however, the world started being my distraction and I found I could run further because I focuses solely on running. Now on the TV or how do I look because people can see me. Just on running.

I take my dog and my million-volt flashlight/stun gun and I brave muddy sometimes hilly uneven trails in the woods. I am crazy for it. There’s nature and fresh air (no car fumes or canned air) and I can take my dog with me and it mellows me out. I now prefer trail runs. Don’t get me wrong I still run at the gym on treadmills but for longer runs outside is the way to go otherwise you get people waiting for you to get off the treadmill just staring at your butt…awkward.

Finally, onto my second obsession: hula. Not only is hula a good workout and teaches you control while it strengthens your core, but it is beautiful. To dance is to tell a story. A story about my wonderful home.  I was born and raised in Hawaii. I am Hawaiian. I am the only one of my sisters to stick with hula and to continue to take an interest in it. I am one of 4 girls. 

I'm so precious

There is elegance, grace and symbolism in hula. Every movement is a word. Every word tells a tale. Every hip bump and dip is expressive. I adore it to the point I’ve started teaching the basics to a select few who need help. I am in no way a “Kumu” or esteemed teacher. I can choreograph songs, perhaps, but I honestly would prefer not to.  I would love to someday BE a Kumu but I would need to train under a Kumu I trust and learn a lot of songs.  I’ll get there at some point in my life, but until then I just enjoy being able to move with music again and to share in the bond of dancing in a halau. There is a sisterhood with hula it brings you close to your group and you glean off each other.

To me, hula is not just my heritage and a connection to my roots and my home. It is an art form. It is a way to tell a tale. It takes my breath away. I dance because I am enamored with it, because I enjoy it. Because my face lights up when my hips sway and my hands tell you about my aina (land).

Baby Leila in her hula outfit

Yes, my body is sore the next day from dancing and yes it makes me sweat and it challenges me but it is a fundamental part of me. It has developed into who I am and I love myself for it. YOU can hula. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise. It doesn’t matter the color of your skin or your dancing experience. If you carry aloha in your heart you should be allowed to express it.

My husband has to deal with listening to the same Hawaiian song over and over again, with watching me shuffle across the floor over and over again, with random slips into pidgin and the complicated Hawaiian words I speak. He also has to deal with me leaving him on the weekends and during the weeks to run for 2 hours or with my constant discussing about my upcoming “races” or what shoes to buy or do I need a heart rate monitor or do I need some new fangled exercise gadget. He puts up with a hot mug of crazy every night as we settle into bed because while I obsess over running and hula my main obsession is him. Every night, I can’t settle into sleep unless some part of me is touching him. Even if it’s just my pinky finger grazing his arm. I have to be near him. The nights we’re away from one another my dog is a poor substitute (fur is truly not the same as skin).

I have these nerdy, consuming obsession with running and hula, two almost complete opposites - one is endurance and strenuous and one is graceful and elegant. But my true obsession lies in life. In my husband, in my dog, in my work and myself. Living life everyday is my main obsession, won’t you join me?

Dancing Ke Aloha for my Husband at our wedding!

  

Your Daily Dose of Duke #12

The Dog Days of Almost spring in the Pacific Northwest. We were tricked this past weekend we had 5 days straight of good weather and it fooled us into shedding our jackets and entertaining outdoor thoughts. But those thoughts have been snatched away. Thankfully Duke is too exhausted from 5 days of walks, hikes and runs to want the good weather to continue.

Running in the Sun, first time in a long time.

Such a ham!

Direction change!

So Distinguished!

It's Easter, can I have some of your food?

Hiking 5 miles on a Monday, what are you, Crazy?

Always the cutie, never the cute.