Value Selling

At a company I worked for, they put a lot of pressure on their marketing and sales team to "value sell." What this meant was they knew they were more expensive than their competitors. However, they offered more to their clients. They had customer service, a design department, a shipping department. They had something they perceived their competitors didn't, VALUE. This company thought themselves to be invaluable to the industry because they could provide a hand holding experience. From the first phone call to the very end they "had your back."

After 3 years with the company, I perceived myself to be an invaluable asset. When I started the job, I was hired as a Administrative Assistant. One employee wanted to make it very clear I was there to support HIM. I loathed him and I found out over the years pretty much everyone did. I wanted to quit because this guy was unbearable and I was supposed to "learn FileMaker Pro" with nothing but the program and a book. I gave up hope. There were 2 options looming in front of me quit and try to find another job or dig my heels in and demonstrate my value. I decided to dig my heels in and it worked. I found a need in the company - marketing.

When I started, there was no marketing - no follow through, no tracking. It was a mess and I decided to take on this mess. I distanced myself from the person who claimed I as hired for him. I began my own projects to help the company. I did learn FileMaker but through an actual class, online. I became a developer and designed a new database for the company. It saved sales hours of manual input and calculations when generating a quote. I won Employee of the Quarter for my efforts. I developed vast and intricate programs both internal and external. I tracked ALL OF THEM. I ran marketing campaigns, organized email blasts, promotions, updated our websites SEO and organic searches. I ran so much market research - from google alerts to stalking companies on my personal instagram. I researched, presented and orchestrated switching our company website and revamping it for usability and a face lift. I then HTML coded for the website. All website updates went through me. All marketing requests and new promotions went through me. All database updates and usability functions went through me. I even enjoyed reading legalese and almost re-wrote their entire Terms & Conditions on their contract as well as offered suggestions on their leasing agreement.

The owner of the company, eventually, even admitted to me - "I find when I have the resources to dedicate to marketing, it does yield great results." I felt invaluable to this company. I worked hard for this company. I felt like I was family to this company.

Demonstrating value, your worth, your abilities, capabilities and efforts to a company is sometimes just not enough. If a company is going under, it's going under with or without your talents.

On July 19th, 2016 my idea of being invaluable, was ended, abruptly. The company did a round of lay offs due to budgeting. People hired long after me were spared because they were more vital to the company's survival. The original owner of the company didn't even say goodbye to me. It stung. No, it hurt. I knew the company was in trouble. I actually almost expected lay offs, since the large company meetings had been threatening them for awhile. I thought I was safe.

Time and time again life has taught me we are never truly "safe."  Your life could be changed in a flash from any number of things - an accident, natural disaster, divorce, death, paper cut. We are never truly safe and we are never truly invaluable. It sounds like I'm being hopeless, but in truth I found some hope from this experience. We have to keep moving. We have to learn, grow and adapt. We cannot stay still. We cannot get comfortable. When things like this happen it is devastating it makes us question ourselves. It's embarrassing. I felt this same way (maybe to a higher degree) after my divorce (at 23), after I lost my mother (at 13). These events are life shattering because we grow comfortable, we grow content, we think everything will always be this way and it will always be okay. Life will always change. If there is one constant in life it is that nothing is permanent but scars and heartache. Embrace those scars, they tell a story. Love that heartache it's your patchwork quilt that you can't sleep without. There is hope after a life shattering event. There are reasons to dust yourself off. You will grow from the experience. You will adapt, change and become something new. Make it something better.

There was nothing I could have done to save my job. Not one single thing. There are things I can do now to demonstrate to the next potential employer my value. Yes, I am might be more expensive to hire than the next employee but I can offer your company so much more. I am so much more.

Allow Me to Explain

It was becoming my life’s motto. Allow me to explain why I don’t follow the career I want. Allow me to explain why I can’t afford to travel. Allow me to explain why I can’t go out with you to dinner. Allow me to explain why my shoes have holes and my pantry is empty and my bills are overdue. Sometimes there isn’t really an explanation it’s just a stall tactic to buy me some thinking time before the pity wave washed over me like warm piss. Often times, no one is judging me at all. In my mind, though, I read things that don’t exist. Every mouth twitch, every time someone looks away. I read into it what I secretly fear.

In truth, I shouldn’t have to explain any part of my life to anyone, including myself. I shouldn’t need to defend that I work sometimes 60 hours a week and still can’t pay my bills. I shouldn’t have to explain that while my life is not what I expected it doesn’t mean it’s not fulfilling. I don’t make a career with writing, like I always dreamed I would. I can’t afford the high quality products I want and in some cases need for health reasons. I work two jobs that are not fulfilling. My body is not physically where I’d like to see it. My diet is on occasion an oral exam on chemical warfare. My husband and I will probably not be able to have children. My home is in an almost constant state of half-done chores. There’s always dishes in the sink, piles of laundry, dirty carpeting, cobwebs, pet hair tumbleweeds, a ring around the tub. I mean really, I can continue.

At the end of the day, I’m still happy. Despite my bitching, my “first world problems,” my  menial complaints. I’m happy because I suck breath in and out. I have a loving husband. I have my ridiculous pets. I have my exercise keeping me sane. I have a house to go home to. I have friends who check in on me. I have a car almost fully paid off. I have a family.

If you are living the life you’ve always wanted, congratulations not everyone works hard enough to do so. I know I didn’t. I am scared of risks. I am scared of no safety nets. I am terrified of life a bit I suppose. I’m a person with an irrational fear of birds and doorknobs. I’m a person who builds ants to monsters in her mind. I’m a mad scientist with fears. Yes, I could abandon my ship and work hard to live the life I think I’m destined. Life is what you make of it. I’m happy where I am. I will always strive to be better. I will perpetually make excuses that never need to be uttered. Perhaps someday I will look at my successful, smart friends without envy but as equals. People work hard for their lives. They do all they can for what they have etched out in hard work, risks, dreams and love.

Let me explain why I’m okay. Let me explain why I love to laugh. Let me explain how much I love the sun. Let me explain why I’m great.

Between Trails and Treadmills (Hips and Dips!)

Confused by that title? I know, but all will make sense soon. One of the nerdy things my husband has to put up with are my weird obsessions. I’ve embarked on running for the second time in my life. The first time I didn’t get very far before a roller derby injury flared up and I lost all my running abilities when I could barely walk for a month. My other obsession that I’ve rekindled is hula dancing. I danced in a traditional hula halau (troupe) for 10 years on Oahu. When I moved to North Carolina I danced with another halau for 3 years. These are two things I love and have let, for more than once in my life, consume me.

Poulsbo Beer Run

“You can’t outrun death.” These are the inspiring words my husband leaves me with as I tie my running shoes. It makes me laugh. I started running to lose weight and I’ve kept running because it makes me feel…amazing (plus I’m still losing weight). I made up my own program or routine for running. I set weekly goals that alternate between distance and time and give myself 3-4 days a week to accomplish them. For instance, when I first started my week's goal was to run a quarter of a mile. The following week was to run 5 minutes. If I didn’t reach a goal in a week I would repeat the goal. This week my goal is four miles next week my goal is 50 minutes. It’s taken me almost 3 months to get to this point of running. 

Here is what I have learned about running these 3 months:

Patience and dedication are important. If you want to run, know that it won’t happen overnight that it will take sweat and even (in my case) tears. I cry over spilt milk. I cry when my goals aren't met. It’s a slow build and you will get totally frustrated with your body some days. You will want to quit, almost every day. If you take 2 weeks off from running you will probably lose major progress. 

BREATHE. Breathing shallow quick breaths will mess you up. If you’re starting to get tired or there are pains and you want to keep going, focus on your breath. Make sure you are taking deep full breaths and if you’re really struggling do that whole in through the nose out through the mouth thing. It sounds obvious, but it’s not when you run 2.5 miles and you feel like you are going to die but you know you can go further it’s probably because you are wheezing like an old man having sex.

Shoes (Oh My God Shoes!). Good shoes are important and expensive but worth it. Whether you want to go minimalist or want arch support go to a local running store get your gait test done and get advice on what you should be running in because the last thing you want are busted ankles and shin splints.

You will have off days. You will have days where you want to run and you’re psyched to run but you can’t seem to get through it and it makes you want to punch babies…that’s normal, hey, tomorrow is another day use the pain to remind you to stretch or take a day off but just avoid babies.

Don’t run back to back to back. Let your ankles, calves and shins rest once in awhile. If you do want to run everyday built up to it real, real slow like.

People will discourage you and misguide you (not on purpose…usually). There’s a lot of misinformation about running thanks to the world wide web. If you want to run, listen to your body and drown out anything or one else. People will tell you it’s bad for your knees, to land on the balls of your feet instead of your heels, to run barefoot, to run on sand, to run 3 days in a row, to never run downhill, etc etc. Maybe they are all right, bottom line, do this for you and listen to how your body responds. If you run on your heels and the next day your ankles feel like you dragged yourself out of that prison in the Count of Monte Cristo while having a ball and chain attached to both feet, maybe don’t run like that anymore.

Given the expense of shoes, the constant vigilance and the heartbreaking defeat you might be asking “why would anyone do this?” I get it running is not everyone’s deal and some people can’t do it at all. Personally, I do it because the victories are worth the defeat. The feeling I get every week when I accomplish a goal have kept me on the path of health and happiness. Because after a long fulfilling run, I sleep like a baby and am amazingly happy for days. Also, it gets my mind to stop talking to itself. It’s very zen. I can’t think about anything but what I am doing. It’s my hour of peace.

I started running on a treadmill and I actually preferred it for the first month and a half. Yes, at the gym there are weirdos but I know my exact running time and distance. I usually watched TV and kind of zoned out and thought that was easier. As the weather started to get better in the Pacific northwest I was able to run outdoors more. I hate running on main roads. I don’t like people to see me running because I’m slow and probably pretty awkward looking. I chose to do trail runs. Single track is preferred. It was harder at first. There was no TV distraction, the trails required more effort and hills suck. Soon, however, the world started being my distraction and I found I could run further because I focuses solely on running. Now on the TV or how do I look because people can see me. Just on running.

I take my dog and my million-volt flashlight/stun gun and I brave muddy sometimes hilly uneven trails in the woods. I am crazy for it. There’s nature and fresh air (no car fumes or canned air) and I can take my dog with me and it mellows me out. I now prefer trail runs. Don’t get me wrong I still run at the gym on treadmills but for longer runs outside is the way to go otherwise you get people waiting for you to get off the treadmill just staring at your butt…awkward.

Finally, onto my second obsession: hula. Not only is hula a good workout and teaches you control while it strengthens your core, but it is beautiful. To dance is to tell a story. A story about my wonderful home.  I was born and raised in Hawaii. I am Hawaiian. I am the only one of my sisters to stick with hula and to continue to take an interest in it. I am one of 4 girls. 

I'm so precious

There is elegance, grace and symbolism in hula. Every movement is a word. Every word tells a tale. Every hip bump and dip is expressive. I adore it to the point I’ve started teaching the basics to a select few who need help. I am in no way a “Kumu” or esteemed teacher. I can choreograph songs, perhaps, but I honestly would prefer not to.  I would love to someday BE a Kumu but I would need to train under a Kumu I trust and learn a lot of songs.  I’ll get there at some point in my life, but until then I just enjoy being able to move with music again and to share in the bond of dancing in a halau. There is a sisterhood with hula it brings you close to your group and you glean off each other.

To me, hula is not just my heritage and a connection to my roots and my home. It is an art form. It is a way to tell a tale. It takes my breath away. I dance because I am enamored with it, because I enjoy it. Because my face lights up when my hips sway and my hands tell you about my aina (land).

Baby Leila in her hula outfit

Yes, my body is sore the next day from dancing and yes it makes me sweat and it challenges me but it is a fundamental part of me. It has developed into who I am and I love myself for it. YOU can hula. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise. It doesn’t matter the color of your skin or your dancing experience. If you carry aloha in your heart you should be allowed to express it.

My husband has to deal with listening to the same Hawaiian song over and over again, with watching me shuffle across the floor over and over again, with random slips into pidgin and the complicated Hawaiian words I speak. He also has to deal with me leaving him on the weekends and during the weeks to run for 2 hours or with my constant discussing about my upcoming “races” or what shoes to buy or do I need a heart rate monitor or do I need some new fangled exercise gadget. He puts up with a hot mug of crazy every night as we settle into bed because while I obsess over running and hula my main obsession is him. Every night, I can’t settle into sleep unless some part of me is touching him. Even if it’s just my pinky finger grazing his arm. I have to be near him. The nights we’re away from one another my dog is a poor substitute (fur is truly not the same as skin).

I have these nerdy, consuming obsession with running and hula, two almost complete opposites - one is endurance and strenuous and one is graceful and elegant. But my true obsession lies in life. In my husband, in my dog, in my work and myself. Living life everyday is my main obsession, won’t you join me?

Dancing Ke Aloha for my Husband at our wedding!