I love my family and my friends and I, like most people,
want to believe I am a good person. However, I do things that might indicate I
am, in fact, a horrible person. Let me break it down for you.
Often, I forget birthdays. Unless you are living near me I
will probably forget your birthday. If I do remember your birthday expect a
super late card and it’s probably because Facebook reminded me the Day Of your
birthday. I’m sorry in advance for all the birthdays I miss to tell you how
awesome you are. I remember a few birthdays that have been drilled in my head.
My Tutu’s (grandmother’s) Dec 12 (she’ll be 92 in 2012), my little sister Nani’s
May 29, my dad’s is Feb. 3 I believe, I’m Nov. 15 and my husband is March 13.
Other than that you will have to remind me over and over and over again when
your birthday is. After a slew of apologies and a belated card, I will forget
next year.
Phone calls are not my friend. I HATE talking on the phone.
The most I do is talk to my father and my Tutu every few days. So more than
likely our conversations will be by text and often times I lose my phone.
Actually quite often. I’d say for the majority of the day I forget where my
phone is. Once I found it in the freezer along with the remote to the TV. I am
absent minded and lazy, so keep that in mind.
Words will fly out of my mouth that will make you think I am
a rude, uneducated degenerate. That is going to happen if you know me long
enough. I curse, I tell really inappropriate stories and I discuss things in
public that shouldn’t be discussed outside of the bedroom. Yes, I am that
person. I am a pervert, I am crass and I am pretty weird.
I will embarrass you in public. I will tease you a little. I
will jump to conclusions. However, with the bad comes the good.
Those who are my friends and family know the following:
No matter what you are going through, I’ll be there. As much as I hate talking on the phone if you text me “something happened can we talk?” I will call you before I think about responding to the text. I will drop everything I am doing to come to your aid. I will bail you out of jail. I will pick you up when you have a flat. I will bring you soup when you are sick and chocolate and wine when you want to destroy the world and then I’ll destroy the world with you.
My loyalty knows no bounds. I will get into a bar fight for
you. I will defend you. I will cock block for you. I will have a series of
questions lined up to ask your significant other unless you vehemently and
specifically tell me not to. I will fight for you in a court of law. I will shield
your name if gossip arises when you’re not around. I will be true to you, but
do not expect me to comment or talk poorly of anyone who has harmed you.
Unless, I, personally have issues with the person I am your friend but your
enemies are not my enemies. I will not talk ill of your ex-lovers, that is your
job to decide what that person is to you.
Your problems become my problems. My life story is long (already)
but you will know it by heart. I will lay all my cards on the table in an
effort to get you to tell me yours. I want to know you and you will know me.
When you hurt, I hurt. I will send you gifts from across the country if you are
going through a terrible time.
Tell me a story. I want you to. I like to hear how your day
was, what’s bothering you, what you learned, what trips you’re planning, an
invention you’re working on or anything. I will listen and I enjoy it. You have
a photo album? Bring it! I love photo albums. I love seeing people live their
lives.
I will teach you all I know if you ask. I will love, honor
and respect you. I will give you hugs every time we part and I will nervously
wait for your text to confirm that we are in fact friends/family.
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