Eat this not ANYTHING ELSE EVER!

Like a good human being I went to the doctor to get my lady parts checked. This trip however went horribly awry. For those who need to know I got off birth control pills. After not getting my lady times for almost 2 months I bit the bullet and found a doctor to check me out.

She did an ultrasound. She diagnosed me with PCOS Poly Cystic Ovary Syndrome. Symptoms were mentioned of which I had none but irregular lady times (which I attributed to getting off my birth control pills). On top of the PCOS diagnosis, which means having a baby is going to be difficult, she said I overly produce yeast (joy, because that’s not disgusting). She told me to cut out carbs and sugars and get a ridiculous amount of blood work done. She didn’t give me a list of foods to avoid but told me to keep it under 50g of carbs a day, because that’s totally doable for every human being. This alone was devastating but let’s add in my food allergies.

The list is no carbs, sugar, red meat, mayo, cherries, sulfur dioxide (the stuff they use to dry fruit). While I’m not technically allergic to the next list of things they turn/hurt my stomach: avocados, sweet potatoes, tomatoes, cucumbers, raw onions. I’m left with some vegetables (no carrots, apparently), some fruits (small portions), chicken, turkey, eggs, cheese, salad mix, some nuts and maybe hummus?

Bottom Line: this blows and I keep trying and failing to avoid certain foods. People keep telling me to go Paleo but here’s the thing, screw diets. I have a restrictive diet for health reasons, Paleo, Atkins, South Beach, Shakeology, Body by YerMamma or whatever; you choose your restrictive diets. Do you have any idea how much I miss steak and desperately want pizza? On top of that, Paleo isn’t low carb they just seem to replace “wheat” with almonds which are still carb-tastic. Also, how the heck do we know cavemen wouldn’t eat food readily available? They only lived for like 30 years but they’re the prime example of what’s healthy? On another note, I think the human digestive system is VERY adaptable it kind of had to be or hunters and gathers who were nomads would not have been able to pick up and find a new food source. Didn’t cavemen spread out and populate the world which would mean adapting to new plant life and animals?

Now that I’m off my I-hate-diets-especially-paleo-because-it’s-the-new-fad-and-diets-are-dumb soapbox, changing my diet has been hard. It’s not that I really ate horribly before but being completely restricted is exhausting. Without my beloved carbs (read: pizza), I’m so tired getting through the day requires massive amounts of coffee. My exercise plan is a little halted because I’d rather go to bed at 8pm than go to the gym.  

However, I’m trying. I’m pissed off, tired, struggling but I’m trying and that is all anyone can ask me to do. Now it’s time for me to eat a hunk of cheese with a glass of water as a midday snack.

Your Face and Food

Low carb, high protein, no sugar, Paleo, Atkins, shakes, juice, cleanse, percentages … I feel like it’s all such crap. I mean whatever works for your body and you’re willing to maintain long term (meaning until you’re old and wrinkled) then have at it. I know my body and my body rebels against me and pretty much hates everything I try to do to it. That being said, any type of restrictive diet and I don’t work. Okay, THAT being said I have a restrictive diet for medical reasons thanks to my super sensitive stomach. I can’t eat red meat (unless it’s crazy lean, as in as lean as it could ever possibly be. That cow ran marathons in the hills of someplace sunny and had a name), can’t eat mayonnaise, dried apricots, acidic tomatoes, cherries (yeah I still eat them and suffer) and there’s more I just can’t remember right now. Most of these are what I call gut punchers. For me if I eat too much I end up in the bathroom for a good chunk of the day (3-6 hours), in pain. The dried Apricots make my throat close so that’s always fun.   

All of THAT being said, my “diet” is called balance and moderation. Boom! I waved my magic wand and will now lose weight. Ha! But seriously it took me a long time to find what worked for me and I can proudly say I don’t care. If I never get to my “goal weight,” I don’t care. If I plateau and feel my workouts are in vain, I don’t care. If I could possibly be a little bit healthier, I don't care. The reason I stopped caring? If you’re going to try to make me do math or take away my bread I will cut you. I bet there are a lot of things I could do to my diet to make it so that I lose more weight or am slightly healthier but you know what? I don’t care. I try to eat mostly veggies and fruit with some lean proteins (egg whites, chicken breast, lean ground beef and center cut pork loins with the occasional bacon thrown in there), whole wheat or fiber rich breads and pastas and of course white rice that I mix with brown and while I'm not the thinnest I've ever been in my life (18-20 year old Leila was Hot) or as tone, etc, etc. I don't care. I don’t believe my body can’t process the food I’m giving it. Want to know why? Because I have very few stomach issues (aside from where I get sick off cherries) and I poop regularly. Poop is important. I don’t care who you think you are that you’re above poop but you’re not. If you’re not pooping at least once a day, something might be wrong. I don’t know what might be wrong but you should be pooping and it shouldn’t be painful or liquid or weird. If you have a dog and you pick up their poop, don’t tell me you don’t know if something is or isn’t wrong with your dog by their poop. When it’s a weird color, not solid at all, painful or bloody you get concerned right? You should probably do the same for yourself. My dog, like his owner, has a sensitive stomach. He can’t have red meat or pineapples (though he loves them). I can tell when someone (usually me) has been sneaking him restrictive food because his poop is weird and painful. You’ll be happy to know, I poop fine.

Now that I have completely grossed out anyone actually reading this allow me to say: our bodies are wonderlands (ha ha ha). No but they are they are unique, amazing, complex, awe inspiring things no matter what shape or size or color. Find your balance, find what works for you and cling to that for dear life. Make sure it’s something you can maintain until you have more wrinkles than cells in your body (ha!) and don’t listen to the nay sayers, the haters, the advice givers, etc. etc. Unless your DOCTOR tells you you’re allergic or your health needs help, DO NOT GOOGLE DIETING TIPS OFF THE INTERNET or let your friends dictate your diet. What works for them may not work for you. My Tutu (grandmother) has lived her entire life (92 years) off pretty much fresh fruit, meat, rice, coffee, fat and white wine. If you cut the fat off your steak or take the skin off your chicken, Tutu will eat it. My tutu got a hip replaced when she was 90 and isn't wheelchair bound by any sense of the word. She’s only recently shrunk down to 5’8” and I feel like if anyone tried to take away any of her key foods, her health would suffer. Listen to your bodies, work with your bodies, not against them and don’t let your brain do all the talking (Do I really want that hamburger which I know will cause my stomach to explode or am I even really hungry?). Accept your body, listen to it, love it and moving it around a bit doesn't hurt either but don’t take it from me take it from you.