Weight Loss & I

We are not two peas in a pod, we are not like-minded, we don’t even eat at the same restaurants. However, if weight loss & I were to have a relationship status on Facebook it’d be “It’s complicated.” I’ve always been the “big” girl in my family and among my friends. I lost weight once, 35 pounds totally gone I looked awesome but I gained it all back so now I’m on the road again.  

In January of this year, looking in the mirror I would comment Wow, look at that Buddha belly or Holy moon face, Batman! I also noticed I was rundown, burned out, tired and a glutton. I ate everything and anything because “why not?” That is the lamest excuse ever. That’s like saying well, all my friends jumped off the bridge “why not?” I was fed up with myself, my image, my lameness. All of it. All of it had to go.

Initially weight loss was the goal, the one and only goal and apparently there could only be one. As I started changing my diet and exercising more I kept having these little personal victories pop up like ethereal text messages. You just ran 3 miles. You have been able to sustain a nutritious 1,200 calorie-day and still be full. None of it was overnight it took me 3 months to watch what I put in my mouth and bring my calories down to 1,200. It took me the same amount of time to get up to a 3-mile continuous run. 

Healthy eating quickly became another goal. Making better food choices, paying attention to what I put in my mouth were very important. I wanted this because I figured out my body responds better when it’s got good food in it. Lean meats, veggies and a truckload of fruit make me smile physically and mentally way more than Jack-in-the-Box. Then came exercise. I got addicted to the rush. I love my runners high. I love feeling my strength grow. Now, weight loss is kind of in the backseat. It’s still trying to be a backseat driver but I’m more focused on how great eating and exercising makes me feel and I believe weight loss will come eventually and if it doesn’t hey, that’s okay.

However, that desire, that want to lose weight never fully goes away. I could be blissfully entertaining “eating healthy” and “exercising more” in my home when the doorbell rings and who’s there? Weight Loss with a box, trying to sell me stuff I don’t need. Trying to get me to pay more attention, to eat more or eat less, to do math equations, eat less carbs, bring in science, make a spreadsheet, measure things. It’s trying all the schemes. It’s bringing in all my friends. So-and-so lost weight this way however this person did it this way. Weight loss comes to your door backed with endorsements. It’s a pyramid scheme. Once you buy into it you’ll start enlisting your friends to how THEY should be losing weight. The next thing you know you’re the one with a box, knocking on your friend’s door, interrupting their healthy dinners telling them about all the fine things they should be doing to lose weight.

I’ve decided to put a stop to that for myself. I’ve lost 20 pounds. Would I like to lose more? Sure. It wasn’t easy to lose the 20 pounds I lost but in losing that weight it opened me up to much better things. Exercise and healthy eating those are things I will maintain for the rest of my life, not because I want to lose weight but because I WANT to feel good, I want to feel confident; I want to live a long life. Losing weight is not a forever mission. You can’t spend your entire life losing weight. What you can do is spend your life maintaining a healthy and exuberant lifestyle.

What works for you might not work for me and vice versa if your main mission is to lose weight like mine was, then good luck but know that once you lose the weight it will come down to maintenance so you don’t gain it back. Are you going to measure out your foods for the rest of your life? Are you going to reject your child’s birthday cake in front of their smiling faces because it’s too many carbs? Are you going to abstain from enjoying in eating? If yes, then I wish you the best. If you envision a lifetime of limiting yourself or using math and science as your tools, good for you, go for what makes you happy and what gives you the results you want.

Personally, I’ve found my tastes have simply changed. Instead of chips I crave baby carrots, I turned my breads and pasta to whole grain and they’re so much more filling. My meats are lean, like my muscles. I understand my change will not be the same change for anyone else who started on a weight loss mission and found themselves smack dab in the middle of fitness-burbia or a nutrition wasteland. I will no longer start a sentence with “What I did to lose weight was …” or “what worked for me was…” instead unless you want my honest advice, I’ll just LISTEN. That’s what people who are struggling need. Someone to JUST listen.

There are a lot of paths, a lot of routes and A LOT of unsolicited advice (knock, knock) from EVERYONE you know. Here’s what you do – put on your headphones, tune everyone out and do what works best for you in regards to losing weight, eating better and exercising more. Find your own groove and revel in the fact that once you find it you’ll never have to worry about getting your groove back.

My Daily Routine

People have hinted at the fact that I am a raging optimist. Despite whatever big hurdles I have overcome I remain excited and happy. It is very rare to see me down for long. It's infectious and it's also why so many of my close friends come to me when they are down. I love my friends I will do anything for the people I hold close in my life. My infectious good mood (for the most part) is because I have a daily ritual of inspirations, joys and triumphs.

There are daily heroes in this world, people who should inspire you. My father is my foremost hero. Not only because he was a firefighter for 32 years but because he's my father, he raised me after my mom died, I don't know how he endured raising four girls after losing the love of his life. My littlest sister is another hero, she lost her mom at 7 and has somehow grown into being a responsible, strong woman. Tutu, my grandmother, is an amazing woman. Surviving in Hawaii through World War II, outliving her husband, raising 5 kids, fighting to get a job and at 90 after a hip replacement surgery struggling through the pain to walk again. My mother-in-law is the newest addition to my list of heroes and inspirations. She's back in school and with an outstanding career she managed to raise two marvelous kids after Tim's father died.

These people keep me going. They are who I think of or turn to when I need to get through a tough time. The greatest inspiration and person who I turn to most is my husband. He's in the Navy and I am in awe of his strength in being able to endure in the Navy. The first 6 months of our relationship was long distance. I met him in Hawaii when I went home for a wedding, he was stationed at Pearl Harbor, we only hung out for 3 days but we had an irrefutable connection. I was living in North Carolina and he spent his tax return on a plane ticket to visit me. For 3 of those 6 months he was deployed on a submarine and I would get an email once or twice a week if I were lucky and they were short. I emailed him once a day, twice sometimes. At one point when they surfaced and were able to check their emails he had 8 emails from me where some married men had none. I feel honored to be with a man who willingly serves his country. Our relationship is not based on whether or not he stays in the Navy, but I will support him any way he chooses to live his life. I am just proud of him.

There are stigmas associated with a military wife. I know them well. Barefoot and pregnant, jobless and dependent. But that has never been comfortable or appealing to me. I was married before for 5 years to a Marine. Being a young, married military couple, we knew other military couples our age with 2 or 3 kids. I was so focused on my education, I couldn't imagine having children yet. It is one of the factors that broke us up. I want children when I am ready. When my husband and I have spent quality time together first. In all honesty, I would love to be the breadwinner and my husband the be the stay at home parent. But my career is not going to afford me such a luxury. I am a workaholic. I am a mover and a shaker. Tim and I will make our own path and we will be fine and we will love every minute of it because we’re together, we've found each other and we'll survive.

Though I complain about frustrations, my weight, my career and annoyances, I am extremely grateful for my life. I finally have a job I'm comfortable at that has afforded me some great friends. I have some amazing friends and family. My dog is my life. I have food in my belly, a roof over my head and Netflix. Most importantly, I just married a man I am madly in love with and who I can be myself around. I live in a land of forests and water, mountains and beauty. There are many small things to rejoice over if you choose to focus on them.

My life has taken many twists and turns. From almost not graduating high school to graduating Magna Cum Laude from the University of North Carolina at Wilmington. From losing my mother at 13 to gaining a wonderful mother and sister at 27. From having a substance dependency to barely being able to stomach alcohol. I have been in an abusive relationship; I have had eating disorders; I have had psychological breakdowns. I have overcome them all and I hope I've turned out better. Reflecting on my past does not weaken me, but strengthens me, I know what I have endured and I know what I can endure.