No, I refuse (to feel bad for my choices)

Fitness and health are still in the forefront of my mind, why? Because it’s EVERYWHERE. We are constantly being reminded (except for most restaurant commercials) that we are fat and lazy. Online it’s a series of “research results” and “motivational images” telling us what we SHOULD look like and that we can only ACHIEVE this body or our ideal weight by following their plan or tips or reading this research paper on how too much of this causes that.

The constant yammering of what our bodies should look like, what we should be eating and what we should be doing to maximize our weight loss has driven me quite mad. Especially because what we should be eating CHANGES almost daily and for those on a budget apparently we’re just shit out of luck. Just because we can’t afford organic or the high end “specialty stores.” 

I’m here to say “Nay.” What you put in your body is more important to me than exercise as far as being healthy goes. My reason for placing nutrition above exercise is because we have direct, sometimes immediate, reactions to food. For instance, my body doesn’t process red meat, doesn’t mean I don’t absolutely love London Broil, Teriyaki Beef and Kalbi ribs; however, if I don’t take Imodium before eating meat I have a 30 minute window to find a bathroom and lock myself in it for the next 3 hours. I wish I was exaggerating. Food is your most important ally in getting healthy with a side of losing weight. You could burn 1,000 calories a day but if you’re eating cake, cookies, milkshakes, chips, fried chicken and whatever else every day that spare tire probably won’t go anywhere and if it does I’d like to have your genes, please. 

What I eat tends to determine my mood. When I eat crap, I feel like crap. When I eat better, I feel better. I understand why most people say organics are the way to go; it doesn’t get any “healthier” than that. BUT, people have families (or sometimes just a husband who will say nay to double the grocery bill for less food), people are rubbing their pennies together these days, I know I am. Running out and spending even the same amount of a normal grocery bill on smaller organic fruits, veggies and meats, really isn’t an option. 

I shop at Wal-Mart. Yeah, I said it. I’m not afraid to say it. I’m a little embarrassed because Wal-Mart is like the black hole of ethics, but I shop there because I can afford it. I shop at the Commissary because it’s tax free and I shop at Albertsons or IGA when I forgot a small ingredient for dinner or ran out of baby carrots or desperately need bananas. I also shop at the Farmers Market, Trader Joes and Central Market. The later places are pricey and so end up being more of a treat or for specific items. One trip to Central Market we ended up dishing out $150 for beer, ahi tuna steaks, tortillas and a few snacks. It got real. Our Farmer’s Market features organic pork. I will dole out $25 for a pound of ground pork and a somewhat smaller-than-what-I’d-get-at-Wal-mart pork butt. That pork is absolutely delicious, the taste is amazing. But for the most part, yes I buy meat, veggies and fruit at Wal-Mart and guess what? I still lost weight, still feel better, still eat healthier and am full and happy. If you can afford the organics, good for you! For the rest of us, don’t feel guilty for buying what you can where you can. Read the labels of what you’re buying, compare and contrast different products, note the pros and cons, wash your veggies and fruit thoroughly. I clip coupons to be able to buy name brands and bring my costs down, but I also succumb to Wal-Mart’s Great Value brand. Their granola bars are cheaper and have less sodium and even carbs than Quaker. Yes, it makes shopping a longer process vs. walking into a specialty store or Farmers Market, knowing (hoping) that they did the research for you and just grabbing and going. But I cut costs where I can and I have managed to feed myself and my husband (and my dog) on a bi-monthly food budget without any negative effects to my digestive system, my health or my weight loss plans/goals.   

No one should go hungry for the sake of their health. No one should feel guilty that they can’t afford organics. No one should feel bad for getting healthy just because of where they can afford to shop. Do your research, make a budget and do what you can for yourself and your family to become and remain healthy, happy and fit. 

Examples of my Low-Budget Healthy Meals:

Egg white, zucchini, yellow squash omelet, turkey bacon and roasted potatoes (Wal-Mart)

Trader Joe's Savory Popcorn, Strawberries and a Black Forest Turkey, Light Salami and Muenster cheese sandwhich on a Hawaiian Mini-sub roll (all bought at Wal-Mart)

96/4 Ground Beef Veggie Packed Meatloaf with roasted potatoes, brocollini and pineapple (Wal-Mart, Brocollini from Albertsons)

Honey Chicken Stir fry w/ brown & white rice (everything purchased from Wal-Mart)

Salad (everything including the chopped rotisserie chicken from Wal-Mart.)

Ricotta, Onion, Garlic and green bean stuffed Chicken with roasted potatoes and sauteed zucchini, yellow squash and green beans (Green beans were from a friend, Veggies were from Trader Joe's, meat and potatoes - Wal-Mart)

Brocolli sauteed pasta with Chicken Parmesan (brocolli came from Albertsons, everything else - Wal-mart)

Weight Loss & I

We are not two peas in a pod, we are not like-minded, we don’t even eat at the same restaurants. However, if weight loss & I were to have a relationship status on Facebook it’d be “It’s complicated.” I’ve always been the “big” girl in my family and among my friends. I lost weight once, 35 pounds totally gone I looked awesome but I gained it all back so now I’m on the road again.  

In January of this year, looking in the mirror I would comment Wow, look at that Buddha belly or Holy moon face, Batman! I also noticed I was rundown, burned out, tired and a glutton. I ate everything and anything because “why not?” That is the lamest excuse ever. That’s like saying well, all my friends jumped off the bridge “why not?” I was fed up with myself, my image, my lameness. All of it. All of it had to go.

Initially weight loss was the goal, the one and only goal and apparently there could only be one. As I started changing my diet and exercising more I kept having these little personal victories pop up like ethereal text messages. You just ran 3 miles. You have been able to sustain a nutritious 1,200 calorie-day and still be full. None of it was overnight it took me 3 months to watch what I put in my mouth and bring my calories down to 1,200. It took me the same amount of time to get up to a 3-mile continuous run. 

Healthy eating quickly became another goal. Making better food choices, paying attention to what I put in my mouth were very important. I wanted this because I figured out my body responds better when it’s got good food in it. Lean meats, veggies and a truckload of fruit make me smile physically and mentally way more than Jack-in-the-Box. Then came exercise. I got addicted to the rush. I love my runners high. I love feeling my strength grow. Now, weight loss is kind of in the backseat. It’s still trying to be a backseat driver but I’m more focused on how great eating and exercising makes me feel and I believe weight loss will come eventually and if it doesn’t hey, that’s okay.

However, that desire, that want to lose weight never fully goes away. I could be blissfully entertaining “eating healthy” and “exercising more” in my home when the doorbell rings and who’s there? Weight Loss with a box, trying to sell me stuff I don’t need. Trying to get me to pay more attention, to eat more or eat less, to do math equations, eat less carbs, bring in science, make a spreadsheet, measure things. It’s trying all the schemes. It’s bringing in all my friends. So-and-so lost weight this way however this person did it this way. Weight loss comes to your door backed with endorsements. It’s a pyramid scheme. Once you buy into it you’ll start enlisting your friends to how THEY should be losing weight. The next thing you know you’re the one with a box, knocking on your friend’s door, interrupting their healthy dinners telling them about all the fine things they should be doing to lose weight.

I’ve decided to put a stop to that for myself. I’ve lost 20 pounds. Would I like to lose more? Sure. It wasn’t easy to lose the 20 pounds I lost but in losing that weight it opened me up to much better things. Exercise and healthy eating those are things I will maintain for the rest of my life, not because I want to lose weight but because I WANT to feel good, I want to feel confident; I want to live a long life. Losing weight is not a forever mission. You can’t spend your entire life losing weight. What you can do is spend your life maintaining a healthy and exuberant lifestyle.

What works for you might not work for me and vice versa if your main mission is to lose weight like mine was, then good luck but know that once you lose the weight it will come down to maintenance so you don’t gain it back. Are you going to measure out your foods for the rest of your life? Are you going to reject your child’s birthday cake in front of their smiling faces because it’s too many carbs? Are you going to abstain from enjoying in eating? If yes, then I wish you the best. If you envision a lifetime of limiting yourself or using math and science as your tools, good for you, go for what makes you happy and what gives you the results you want.

Personally, I’ve found my tastes have simply changed. Instead of chips I crave baby carrots, I turned my breads and pasta to whole grain and they’re so much more filling. My meats are lean, like my muscles. I understand my change will not be the same change for anyone else who started on a weight loss mission and found themselves smack dab in the middle of fitness-burbia or a nutrition wasteland. I will no longer start a sentence with “What I did to lose weight was …” or “what worked for me was…” instead unless you want my honest advice, I’ll just LISTEN. That’s what people who are struggling need. Someone to JUST listen.

There are a lot of paths, a lot of routes and A LOT of unsolicited advice (knock, knock) from EVERYONE you know. Here’s what you do – put on your headphones, tune everyone out and do what works best for you in regards to losing weight, eating better and exercising more. Find your own groove and revel in the fact that once you find it you’ll never have to worry about getting your groove back.

Working Out Is Hard To Do

“In my dreams I have an ice cream tree, I have a gym that works out for me.” – The Aquabats

I am unhappy with my weight. All the positive reinforcement is not going to change how I feel. While I am happy for my tiny waist and large rump, I am not so happy with my stomach, arms, thighs and the double chin that is brewing. I haven’t been comfortable with my weight since I was, oh, 13. The wedding brought on a whole new stew pot of fears. Everyone wants to look good on their wedding day. But with stress making it hard to shed those pounds and the hectic schedule of wedding planning, working out falls low on the list.

There are some people out there who complain about their weight but don’t want to change their life to accommodate weight loss. Surprisingly, I love exercising. I don’t mean I do it as a chore to reach a goal; I mean I LOVE it. Something about sweating and getting this daily sense of accomplish makes me okay about my weight, my life and gives me the ability to sleep for that day.

Why I never want to get out of bed.

Let’s face it, good relationships make you fat. It’s true. You get comfortable, you want to spend time together, the couch becomes your best friend and before you know it you’ve packed on 20 pounds, while your male counterpart has gained 5 pounds.  You start eating 3 salads a week and he’s lost 15 pounds, while you’ve lost 5 pounds. I get it. It happens. Unless you’re one of those –lets-get-out-and-bike-10-miles-together-or-go-hiking-or-run-a-marathon – couples, I think it’s safe to say you age, you get comfortable, you gain weight.

My exercise drug of choice is running.  I love to run; I’m not “good” at it but the feeling I get after running 2 miles and walking a mile versus sitting on the couch for 30 minutes is unmistakably different. I have horrible knees, I run very slowly, I can’t seem to improve my lung capacity enough to run more than 2 miles, hills make me feel like puking, but I still enjoy it. A lot.  Plus it’s free, no gym membership here.

I used to surf and be thinner. It's great exercise if you can do it.

Finding the time and gumption to work out is hard. Really hard.  For the brides who use their wedding as a goal, good for you, kudos. If it shakes you out of your funk and get you on track to eating better and working out, huzzah. But are you going to keep up with it after the wedding? If not, what was the point of stressing yourself out and starving yourself and going on ridiculous diets? Just to look good in pictures that aren’t going to reflect the “true” you? I feel like diets are the new snakeskin oil. Eat this way and you’ll lose X amount of weight. It’s like a Traveling Miracle Medicine Man but in book or DVD form and it’s strict and cruel and there’s a laundry list of rules.  I feel like it’s a shell game. You never know how each diet is going to work for you. Maybe this diet will work but this diet won’t and you won’t know until you try. Then when you go out to dinner with friends you have to make the waiter juggle a million restrictions just so you can be around people.  Oh and you can’t have a beer or cocktail because then you’ll gain 5 pounds overnight.

Diets are stupid. I’m sorry, I’m saying it. Are you going to stick to a diet for the rest of your life? Really? The only thing I feel that has some value is Weight Watchers because it teaches you how to eat. How to weigh decisions with food. I LOVE FOOD. There, I said it. Food is delicious but it's all about balance. Sure, that cake looks fabulous but do I really want to run/walk an extra 5 miles just to burn it off? Is it worth engorging myself for 2 minutes of glorious satisfaction? Sometimes, but not all the time.

Though I am unhappy with my weight, I exercise and I eat decently. My chips are baby carrots, my “sweet treat” is sugar free pudding, etc, etc. I try my best to fit in at least 30 minutes of exercise a day. I’ve started incorporating yoga (at home, no one needs to see that), weight training, etc. The beauty is thanks to the internet you can get a lot of exercise ideas, moves and options online, for free. I once paid a ridiculous amount of money for a personal trainer once a week to show me exercises to do. No cardio, just weight training. I feel like it was such a waste of money. I found all the exercises she taught me online, sure it helps to have someone there to make sure your movements are correct but is that really worth the money? I didn’t lose ANY weight during my training and I was going to the gym 4 days a week. I have since quit the gym. A yoga mat, exercise orb, some resistance bands and weights and you can accomplish many things at home if you sacrifice 30 minutes of your time.

Hiking is also awesome exercise.

Now, I have the motivation to work out every day but no partner in crime. Working out alone is not fun. No fun at all. It’s easier to push off working out when there isn’t someone else relying on you.  How I survive and still manage to work out is with my dog. I take my dog running and as long as it’s not too hot, he won’t fake a limp. Even my dog comes up with excuses not to exercise with me sometimes. I guess take a hint where it’s implied. I used to run or walk or do some form of cross training every day at work with a co-worker. But she’s not here anymore. So now it’s up to me to get out on my lunch break and stretch my legs. But that is the annoyance of wanting to exercise it won’t happen if you don’t make time. I will make time, I have to or I feel bad and gain more weight. Even if it’s just parking 15 minutes away from work to force yourself to walk further, taking the stairs instead of the elevator, etc. It’s the small changes that add up to a big difference. Pack a healthy lunch to work and take 30 minutes to walk around the office, the building, the block, up and down stairs. The first step to any routine is making time.

I feel that if you hyper focus on weight loss it won’t come. Just like if you hyper focus on anything it won’t work. My will bends no spoons. I am unhappy with my weight. I am addicted to running. I create long-term goals for better eating. I don’t push myself too hard. I have faith that my weight will change overtime with persistence and devotion. I wouldn’t trade the rush I get after running or walking or swimming for anything. You should try it sometime.