Write it down – Learn from my Frustrations

Weddings are about lists. Not just checklists or to-do lists but a mountain of other lists to help you keep track of how you want YOUR day to go. Here are some pointers from the disaster that was my beautiful wedding.

Write a list of who you want to thank on your wedding day. When the microphone is in your hand, for some of us (me) your mind goes blank. I wanted to thank everyone from my father to my aunt who let my husband and I live with them when we first moved to Seattle. You don’t have to carry the pieces of paper with you but for me writing stuff down commits them to memory. Plus you can use it as a cheat sheet.

Also keep track of all the crazy wedding gifts, envelopes, etc. that you receive. Thank you cards are mandatory and you need to know who sent you what and how to best thank them. Trust me it can get nice and confusing. Things bought off the registry don't always come with a note of who sent it.

When it comes to photography, I’m sure there are plenty of things you want pictures of – the ceremony, the first kiss, the walk down the aisle, etc. There were a lot of pictures I wish I had remembered to ask for.  Sure, I have tons of Tim and I, the bridal party, my hula, the first dance, etc. But I don’t really have any of the centerpieces, the food, the rings, my shoes even the bouquets. This isn’t really the photographer’s fault. Ask and you shall receive.

None of your vendors are mind readers, so unless you specifically ask for something or explain exactly what you want. They’re going to do what they’ve done before.

The best picture of me stressing on my wedding day.

In general, it’s wise to start a wedding binder, not just to keep ideas for your wedding but to keep notes. Write down anything that comes into your head, even if you’re going to later disregard it. When it’s the day of your wedding, the last thing you want to do is cry in your wedding dress over the fact that you didn’t get pictures of your rings or you forgot to thank your grandmother who raised you or the linen on the tables were wrinkled, or you didn’t remind the DJ to avoid the chicken dance song, etc. (This isn’t all true things that happened at my wedding, just examples)

While you may laugh at me and these small details seem insignificant, wait until it’s your wedding day.  The stress builds and builds until all you see are the imperfections of the day instead of enjoying it. Was this my wedding? No, my wedding was beautiful and while it is still freshly imprinted in my head I am starting to regret that I didn’t become more involved. That I didn’t speak up to explain why I wanted things done this way. That I didn’t climb into the steering wheel to realize my full potential of Bridezilla and not let people sway me. I shouldn’t have had to tell myself “It’s okay.”

It’s okay if I forget to remind the officiant to announce us as Leila & Tim Regan instead of Mr. & Mrs. Regan. It’s okay if the favors aren’t exactly what I wanted. It’s okay that I don’t have any pictures of my hair. It’s okay if people showed up who didn’t RSVP. It’s okay if my family wants to wait to take pictures until after they eat. It’s okay if we enter the ceremony a different way than I’d like. It’s okay if we don’t have anything for people to throw at us as we walk back down the aisle. (This isn’t all true things that happened at my wedding, just examples).

I can live with my wedding, it was beautiful and it took a lot of people to make it the success that it was. I am extremely grateful. I just wish I had better organized my needs, desires, ideas and goals. Perhaps if I had written everything all down, I wouldn’t have been as stressed out the day of the wedding.