Weddings = Madness

As a researcher for a wedding company, I literally look at hundreds of websites a week that are wedding related. Some websites are shockingly beautiful (mostly photographers) and some are shockingly bad (djs). Some offer a lot of good ideas and advice (wedding planners) and some offer nothing but their services (bakeries).  Wading through the bull, what has stood out to me with weddings are, they’re a big ‘ol mess and up to anyone’s interpretation.

To me a wedding is a big celebration regarding the joining of two lives because of the bonds of love. You want to be with this person, you want to grow old with this person, support this person, be proud of this person, maybe start a family and create new life, together. Your personalities should be reflected in your celebration whether it’s 20 guests or 200. Finding a leg to stand on or where to start is hard.

I remember buying three wedding magazines that looked interesting to me. When I flipped through the almost catalogue sized magazines, I was only able to find one, ONE, image worth tearing out of the “books” to add to my wedding portfolio. All the pictures were gorgeous but all the weddings featured were the same. They all seemed to fall into one of these categories- fancy dress/high fashion wedding, relaxed dress/country wedding, interesting dress/hipster wedding or flowing dress/beach wedding.  They all had detail pictures some neat but mostly they were all things I had seen before. The same checklist of what to do and when to do it. It was, to be honest, boring. All the brides were these thin, waifs of a girl in white dresses and the men were rough and handsome. I began to doubt these were even real weddings. It seemed like an elaborate stage set in glossy, high resolution.

Where is the magazine to help brides plan on a budget? Or plan from out of state? Or plan a unique wedding? Have we lost all use for being individuals and unique? Where are the glamorous bigger girls? The sassy mixed breeds? Have weddings too become so mainstream there is no river of diversion? Every magazine was telling me – this is a once in a lifetime event you should splurge, but I didn’t want to, I wanted to be thrifty and fun and smart about it.

Everyone seems to mention offbeatbiride.com, which is a great site, but it too hyper focuses on a certain type of wedding – everyone is tattoo’d, goth, punk, rockabilly, psychobilly, zombies. It’s the exact opposite, but that’s it. It too lax diversity. It has great ideas and suggestions but lacks the traditional influence. Also, while the internet is grand, I really just want something concrete, in my hands to flip through. I don’t want to pay a small fortune for a book I will use for six months and then try to resell on Amazon. I sit in a chair all day and surf the internet for work, the last thing I wanted to do was sit in a chair in front of my computer at home and research wedding tips, ideas, timelines, etc.

Most of what I came up with for my wedding was just things that came to me and some suggestions from friends – a futurama wedding cake, a photobooth with a cheesy Tiki theme, Tiki magnets as favors to go with the photobooth pictures, my dress was bought from a consignment bridal shop… I mean it wasn’t like I needed to research a lot but I wanted to because this is the one day you can make it all about you. If you want pies instead of a wedding cake, go for it, if you want a skull covered alter instead of a marble one, have at it, if you want a black dress instead of white, enjoy.

I just want all brides to know it’s not easy, being green (eco-friendly) or finding your own groove. You get a lot of sometimes unwanted input from people on what your wedding should be and it’s easy to lose sight of what your day is … It’s YOUR day. I loved my wedding I just wish there was some magazine out there that I could buy in the local grocery store (without having to research on the internet where to buy it) that spans the grander spectrum of weddings – from the weird to the unique to the traditional with advice on transplanting weddings, saving money and loving the process. I want it all and I want it now. 

The route we went with our Wedding Website 

Write it down – Learn from my Frustrations

Weddings are about lists. Not just checklists or to-do lists but a mountain of other lists to help you keep track of how you want YOUR day to go. Here are some pointers from the disaster that was my beautiful wedding.

Write a list of who you want to thank on your wedding day. When the microphone is in your hand, for some of us (me) your mind goes blank. I wanted to thank everyone from my father to my aunt who let my husband and I live with them when we first moved to Seattle. You don’t have to carry the pieces of paper with you but for me writing stuff down commits them to memory. Plus you can use it as a cheat sheet.

Also keep track of all the crazy wedding gifts, envelopes, etc. that you receive. Thank you cards are mandatory and you need to know who sent you what and how to best thank them. Trust me it can get nice and confusing. Things bought off the registry don't always come with a note of who sent it.

When it comes to photography, I’m sure there are plenty of things you want pictures of – the ceremony, the first kiss, the walk down the aisle, etc. There were a lot of pictures I wish I had remembered to ask for.  Sure, I have tons of Tim and I, the bridal party, my hula, the first dance, etc. But I don’t really have any of the centerpieces, the food, the rings, my shoes even the bouquets. This isn’t really the photographer’s fault. Ask and you shall receive.

None of your vendors are mind readers, so unless you specifically ask for something or explain exactly what you want. They’re going to do what they’ve done before.

The best picture of me stressing on my wedding day.

In general, it’s wise to start a wedding binder, not just to keep ideas for your wedding but to keep notes. Write down anything that comes into your head, even if you’re going to later disregard it. When it’s the day of your wedding, the last thing you want to do is cry in your wedding dress over the fact that you didn’t get pictures of your rings or you forgot to thank your grandmother who raised you or the linen on the tables were wrinkled, or you didn’t remind the DJ to avoid the chicken dance song, etc. (This isn’t all true things that happened at my wedding, just examples)

While you may laugh at me and these small details seem insignificant, wait until it’s your wedding day.  The stress builds and builds until all you see are the imperfections of the day instead of enjoying it. Was this my wedding? No, my wedding was beautiful and while it is still freshly imprinted in my head I am starting to regret that I didn’t become more involved. That I didn’t speak up to explain why I wanted things done this way. That I didn’t climb into the steering wheel to realize my full potential of Bridezilla and not let people sway me. I shouldn’t have had to tell myself “It’s okay.”

It’s okay if I forget to remind the officiant to announce us as Leila & Tim Regan instead of Mr. & Mrs. Regan. It’s okay if the favors aren’t exactly what I wanted. It’s okay that I don’t have any pictures of my hair. It’s okay if people showed up who didn’t RSVP. It’s okay if my family wants to wait to take pictures until after they eat. It’s okay if we enter the ceremony a different way than I’d like. It’s okay if we don’t have anything for people to throw at us as we walk back down the aisle. (This isn’t all true things that happened at my wedding, just examples).

I can live with my wedding, it was beautiful and it took a lot of people to make it the success that it was. I am extremely grateful. I just wish I had better organized my needs, desires, ideas and goals. Perhaps if I had written everything all down, I wouldn’t have been as stressed out the day of the wedding.