How's this for "Special?"

 

In the year 2011, I was invited to 7 weddings. Eight if you include mine. So far the pictures I’ve seen of the weddings have all had a different element. My cousin had people blow bubbles instead of throw rice or at my wedding, orchid petals. A friend had games at her wedding, couple trivia and a game called “guess which feet are your wife's.” Often weddings are portrayed as these boring, tradition-filled, extended family reunions. Your wedding can be anything you want it to be. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Don't let anyone tell you what is expected of you on YOUR wedding day. Give an inch, your families will take a mile.

There are some cultural traditions, however, that can't be missed. One “tradition” that I did at my wedding was I danced a hula for my husband. What is tradition for some, is exotic for others. I had a friend and a cousin who also danced a hula for their new husbands, but the beauty of this tradition is you can pick your song. I danced to Ke Aloha a romantic and intimate lovesong written by my cousins grandmother, Lei Collins. I went to Halau O’ Lehualani in Edmonds, WA (http://www.hulaolehualani.com/) to learn my hula. My aunt and my little cousin both dance for this halau (class). The Kumu (teacher) is one of the best I have ever have the privilege to know. She is patient but strict, kind but serious. The best mix for any teacher.

Almost any hula halau that you find will be willing to teach private lessons. While hula is a Hawaii heritage tradition it is not restricted in anyway to Hawaii or Hawaiians. If you want to do something special or different for your wedding, even if you aren't from Hawaii or have never danced a day in your life, you can take the time to learn how to hula. Most Kumus will be patient and teach you hula from the foundation so your hands will be fluid, your hips will sway gracefully and your smile will be genuine. I danced professional Polynesian style dance (hula, Samoan, Tahitian even some Maori) for a total of 13 years but I never had to dance the hula by myself. It was terrifying but it was for me a spiritual, heartfelt gesture to my new husband. I also heard it made a few people cry, so I'm taking that as a positive.

Every wedding is unique and beautiful but it is up to you to make it reflect you and your husband. Whether it's dancing a hula or throwing organic confetti, make sure your wedding is as special and meaningful to you as it is to your guests.

Honeymoons are for Suckers!

That title is a lie. I would love to, after the stress of planning our wedding, which was over a year in the making, be able to take a honeymoon. However, with the economy and jobs pulling the drawstrings on vacation days, it's just wasn't in the cards for Tim and I.

I feel like I am not alone with having a honeymoon months or even years after the wedding. One of my father's friends, who were invited to the wedding but respectfully declined, offered their Maui vacation home. It would be great to go to Maui after the wedding. I've never been to Maui. However, because Tim and I left the islands 4 days after the wedding, it just wasn't practical. Initially, when I was requesting leave from my new awesome job for the wedding, I bracketed 3 full weeks home. Plenty of time for planning and after wedding relaxing. I was granted 2 weeks, completely fair on their part but getting married in a different state, it doesn't leave a lot of time for “enjoyment” once the stress of the wedding wears off.

The other problem with taking a honeymoon is Tim and I have whittled our wallets down to leather stubs over the wedding. We don't even have an extra $900 to go island hopping to Maui, rent a car, buy food and buy Maui tourist crap.

Granted we are getting married in a popular honeymoon destination but for me, Oahu is just home. It is not a vacation. It is where I was born and raised. Tim lived there 5 years or so total, also. Hawaii, though beautiful and honeymoon-ish, is for me at least, not a honeymoon or a vacation. This is my home, I love my home and my family but going home has never been a “vacation,” it's been home.

Once our wallets and paid time off have had a chance to replenish themselves we'll be off to either a Maui vacation home, a cabin in Maine, a metal cruise through Caribbean waters (http://www.70000tons.com/) or a European adventure. But until then we'll take peace and comfort in the fact that we are married and in love and that is all that really matters.

The honeymoon is an afterthought. As wonderful as it would be to be able to afford (financially and time off-wise) a honeymoon immediately following the wedding where we can be tourists, relax and revel in the sanctity of marriage, we will steel our honeymoon for a later time. However, to those couples who do get to take a honeymoon after their wedding, I give you the slow clap.

Make Love, Not Babies

At the wedding, a lot of people mentioned "have lots of kids." I get it, first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Leila and Tim with a baby carriage. For the record this is not my first ride on the marital merry-go-round. I was married from 2001 to 2006 to someone who is still, in my eyes, a very good, outstanding man. He just wasn't the right good man for me. My divorce was a pretty big upset for my family who had finally accepted my haole husband. One of the reasons we didn't work was he was pressuring me for kids. I was 22, recently graduated Magna Cum Laude from the University of North Carolina Wilmington with a B.A. I didn't want kids.

Tim and I have been together for not quite 3 years. While I have decided that kids would be nice, I'm a big fan of waiting. Hey, it's a step up from me not wanting kids, period. I want to make sure Tim and I have a good, solid relationship. Bringing a child into this world should be a serious decision made by both the parents, when they are both ready and probably after a trip to a therapist to prepare us. Right now, I am enjoying my time with Tim too much to consider a child. I want to make sure our foundation is solid, that we mend any possible cracks and dig out any intrusive roots before we "settle down" and "make babies."

Children are a beautiful, wonderful, exciting thing. I just want the wedding excitement to lull for say 3-5 years before I set about on a new adventure. Above all, I am excited about my new life and my future with Tim. I love that there are so many people ready and waiting to play babysitter to our future kids.

Deep breaths, our babies will happen, when we and the world are ready. Plus, there's always adoption.

Home is Where You Retreat To?

Since moving to the mainland all anyone has ever asked me is "why?"

Why leave Hawaii?
Why did you more HERE??!!
Why don't you move back?

I was born and raised in Hawaii and I was raised very traditionally. I was in a hula halau, I learned to surf and swim at a young age, I have a tendency to speak pidgin especially while drunk. Hawaii will always be my home. In fact, it's more than my home, it's my heritage.

Even at a young age, I turned the "mainland" into something exotic. Hawaii was not "exotic" to me it was just where I lived everyday. That's not to say it's not beautiful, it is gorgeous and I have never been able to live inland because of my connection to the ocean.

I craved seasons. As a child, I wanted the colorful leaves of the fall racked into a pile so I could play in them. I wanted to see snow and the way it turns a landscape pure and white. I wanted to see flowers bloom and the bright burst of green that came in the spring. I was raised in perpetual summer.


It was always my intention to explore and discover a place other than the tropical shores of my homeland. North Carolina was never comfortable but my experience there I wouldn't trade for anything. But here in Washington, I feel good. The mountains are everywhere you turn and the water is clear and full of life.

The question "Why don't you move back?" always fills me with a little bit of rage. Why should I move back? Because it's your idea of paradise? Maybe this is my idea of paradise. I love Hawaii. It is and will always be my home, I cannot stress that enough. For whatever reason, I fight moving back home I feel like it is a retreat, like my white flag is going up. Like I can't make it with the new and the brave and I have to fall back on comfort and familiarity. While I miss my family horribly and toy with the notion of moving back home to be with them. I am too stubborn to see a move to Hawaii as anything but throwing in the towel.

The traffic, the heat, the overpopulation, the high cost of living, the tourists and the living tourists. These are all factors I use to back up my decision. Sure, I could live on another island, one that more happily reflects people's notion of Hawaii - Maui, the "new" Waikiki or my favorite island Kauai.  But given the lethargic nature of the islands, the spell the islands cast that seeps into your soul through your pores, that hangs in the humidity, I would slack and not see my family nearly as much as I'd like. Also outside of Oahu the islands offer limited jobs, actives and sometimes an even higher cost of living. Call me crazy but $8 for a gallon of milk does not fill me with joy despite how bright the sun is shinning.

Every time I go home, I want to stay. I want to burrow myself deep in the green bosom of the tropical isles that are my home. Something in me is resilient, resisting the urge to cave and retreat home. And I love bringing people home with me. I love playing tour guide and showing people my home. But if i never left the islands I wouldn't have these friends to show the islands to. I am a new strain of Hawaiian one resistant to the homelands of my birth. It's a little saddening but I feel like a Hawaiian on a new frontier, I'm onto something big.