I Bought My Heart on Etsy.com

For those who like things done a little differently, like this I wanted to let you know that Etsy is amazing. I located and purchased our hand forged (yes we found a blacksmith) matching wedding bands on Etsy. Etsy seems to be the new frontier on handmade, personal, unique or just weird gifts, jewelry, house wares and even clothes.  

Our Wedding Band

Say, you're a nerd like me, but not just any nerd, oh no, you like comic books, zombies, cartoons and vintage Hawaiian stuff. Let's say you want your groom to have something small but unique. Why not Tiki cufflinks?

Like This  or a Futurama themed cake topper like this?

On Etsy, it would appear whatever weird fantasy or habit or hobby you like to indulge in you can find something for your wedding that will suit your taste. Even a Cthulhu pin for your "something green." I could spend hours on Etsy pouring over their vintage dresses, steam punk lockets and dare I let my nerd show with mentioning Star Trek earrings.

Whatever you're into, whatever you want to do to make your wedding stand out, you can probably get a head start by simply browsing through all the unique items. Even if it's stuff not as weird as my tastes. If you want an environmentally safe wedding like button bouquets or seed confetti, I guarantee you, it's on there. From elegant gifts for the wedding party to zombie inspired damask necklaces. Etsy is one online shopping center after my own heart - weird, handmade, unique goodness.

Our Wedding Cake

Coulda, Woulda, Shut It!

As a previously stressed out fiancé trying to plan a wedding, I am well aware of the Should of, Would of, Could of disease that infects the brain of all newlywed brides. It’s an airborne virus that invades through the ear canal as random wedding guests, family members, friends and even the bride and groom utter how things could have gone down differently. 

If you or someone you know has just gotten married here’s some advice: SHUT IT. There’s a kind of depression that follows the wedding. The couple is no longer the center of attention. The bride and groom are allowed to return to their normal lives. It’s like popping a zit all the pressure, relief, white stuff and then irritation, picking and scarring.

Thank you, Captain Obvious for pointing out that my wedding could have been more organized, that we should have been wearing microphones for the ceremony, that we should have played the ceremony music louder, That we shouldn’t have allowed people in who didn’t RSVP, That we could have had enough seating for those who did RSVP, that we should have had the ceremony later in the day, that we should have taken the family photos earlier, that we could have had a better wedding in general.

All this jibber jabber did was imply that our wedding wasn’t good enough for you. Guess what? It was good enough for US and we don’t really, truly, at all care what your opinions were regarding what could have, should have or would have been done differently to make your wedding experience more enjoyable. While I am extremely grateful for where I had my wedding and the people who helped make my wedding possible, once the wedding is over, it's not like we're going to have a re-do. So what's the point of telling us all the things that were wrong? I agree, there were tons of things that could have happened in a different manner, but they didn't and I hope you had fun anyways.

The best part of any wedding is when it’s over and the bride and groom can sigh with the relief that they survived.

Me Speaky Fakey Hawaiian

Hawaii is this exotic, mystical place with weird cultural differences, a former monarchy and our own language and yet we are a part of America. However, I beg you, please do not makeup words under the guise of “it’s Hawaiian,” please do not adopt a “Hawaiian” name and please do not make up cultural ceremonies or better yet, please do not tell a Hawaiian how to better understand their culture.

I work for a wedding website and I research vendors and pass them off to the sales department. When I come across something like this on a website, it makes me see red.

Mily (mill-ee): Hawaiian name meaning "beautiful"

First off, Hawaiian is a 13-letter alphabet. There is no “y” in our alphabet.  The Hawaiian word for beautiful is Nani. I know this; it’s my sister’s name.  Please do not move to Hawaii and adopt a “Hawaiian name” meaning you plugged your real name into a Hawaiian name generator. For the record the Hawaiian language is technically a dead language so some of the newer names aren’t going to have a “Hawaiian” name. I just find it, bizarre. People don’t move from Hawaii to the mainland and change their name.

“Oh well my name is Malia but I go by Mary now that I moved to the mainland. Malia, that’s just my island name. “

Please don’t move to Hawaii, look up a fake Hawaiian name and then name your business after it. I don’t speak for all Hawaiians but for me, personally. I was born with my Hawaiian name. Moving to “the islands” and deciding to make this place your home does not entitle you to a “Hawaiian” name. Be respectful of the culture and the natives. It’s one thing to appreciate our history and our ideals it’s another thing to bastardize them.

I am not saying, by any means, that everyone who comes to Hawaii does this. I grew up with many people on the island who were not “Hawaiian,” but were amazing, respectful people. You can be kama’aina (a resident) without being insulting. I’m not even saying that some people do this on purpose. They just get excited by the beauty and the traditions and they get swept up in the whirlwind romance of the island. Just be aware of what you are doing and saying. It’s like getting a Chinese symbol tattooed on you only to realize instead of “joy” it says “soup.”

When I turned 25, I was at a bar celebrating my birth and met a young, skinny, pony-tailed man who I found out just returned from a 3-month university stint in Hawaii on the Big Island. I love to gossip about Hawaii and find out other people’s experiences. He flatly asked me if I was Filipino.

Side Note: Most Hawaiians take offense to being called anything but Hawaiian. If you pin us with a different race – Samoan, Tongan, Tahitian, Micronesian, Filipino, we get a little unnerved.  

I told him I was Hawaiian and drunkenly mentioned that the Big Island was boring to me. He basically verbally assaulted me that I obviously don’t have any interest in my culture and that I need to educate myself on my traditions and my heritage. Well, I almost ended up in jail.

To be cheesy, I am very proud of my heritage. I danced hula, surfed, took Hawaiiana classes, had Hawaiian history courses, learned to play the ukulele (most of this is public school courses, though). I enjoy discussing Hawaii and Hawaii’s history with people. I like to answer questions and get people’s take on Hawaii. I know a few people who hate Hawaii – too much heat, too much relaxation, too much traffic. It’s my home, I’m proud of it. I want people to enjoy my aina (land). I just don’t like to be disrespected as any person would.

How's this for "Special?"

 

In the year 2011, I was invited to 7 weddings. Eight if you include mine. So far the pictures I’ve seen of the weddings have all had a different element. My cousin had people blow bubbles instead of throw rice or at my wedding, orchid petals. A friend had games at her wedding, couple trivia and a game called “guess which feet are your wife's.” Often weddings are portrayed as these boring, tradition-filled, extended family reunions. Your wedding can be anything you want it to be. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Don't let anyone tell you what is expected of you on YOUR wedding day. Give an inch, your families will take a mile.

There are some cultural traditions, however, that can't be missed. One “tradition” that I did at my wedding was I danced a hula for my husband. What is tradition for some, is exotic for others. I had a friend and a cousin who also danced a hula for their new husbands, but the beauty of this tradition is you can pick your song. I danced to Ke Aloha a romantic and intimate lovesong written by my cousins grandmother, Lei Collins. I went to Halau O’ Lehualani in Edmonds, WA (http://www.hulaolehualani.com/) to learn my hula. My aunt and my little cousin both dance for this halau (class). The Kumu (teacher) is one of the best I have ever have the privilege to know. She is patient but strict, kind but serious. The best mix for any teacher.

Almost any hula halau that you find will be willing to teach private lessons. While hula is a Hawaii heritage tradition it is not restricted in anyway to Hawaii or Hawaiians. If you want to do something special or different for your wedding, even if you aren't from Hawaii or have never danced a day in your life, you can take the time to learn how to hula. Most Kumus will be patient and teach you hula from the foundation so your hands will be fluid, your hips will sway gracefully and your smile will be genuine. I danced professional Polynesian style dance (hula, Samoan, Tahitian even some Maori) for a total of 13 years but I never had to dance the hula by myself. It was terrifying but it was for me a spiritual, heartfelt gesture to my new husband. I also heard it made a few people cry, so I'm taking that as a positive.

Every wedding is unique and beautiful but it is up to you to make it reflect you and your husband. Whether it's dancing a hula or throwing organic confetti, make sure your wedding is as special and meaningful to you as it is to your guests.

Honeymoons are for Suckers!

That title is a lie. I would love to, after the stress of planning our wedding, which was over a year in the making, be able to take a honeymoon. However, with the economy and jobs pulling the drawstrings on vacation days, it's just wasn't in the cards for Tim and I.

I feel like I am not alone with having a honeymoon months or even years after the wedding. One of my father's friends, who were invited to the wedding but respectfully declined, offered their Maui vacation home. It would be great to go to Maui after the wedding. I've never been to Maui. However, because Tim and I left the islands 4 days after the wedding, it just wasn't practical. Initially, when I was requesting leave from my new awesome job for the wedding, I bracketed 3 full weeks home. Plenty of time for planning and after wedding relaxing. I was granted 2 weeks, completely fair on their part but getting married in a different state, it doesn't leave a lot of time for “enjoyment” once the stress of the wedding wears off.

The other problem with taking a honeymoon is Tim and I have whittled our wallets down to leather stubs over the wedding. We don't even have an extra $900 to go island hopping to Maui, rent a car, buy food and buy Maui tourist crap.

Granted we are getting married in a popular honeymoon destination but for me, Oahu is just home. It is not a vacation. It is where I was born and raised. Tim lived there 5 years or so total, also. Hawaii, though beautiful and honeymoon-ish, is for me at least, not a honeymoon or a vacation. This is my home, I love my home and my family but going home has never been a “vacation,” it's been home.

Once our wallets and paid time off have had a chance to replenish themselves we'll be off to either a Maui vacation home, a cabin in Maine, a metal cruise through Caribbean waters (http://www.70000tons.com/) or a European adventure. But until then we'll take peace and comfort in the fact that we are married and in love and that is all that really matters.

The honeymoon is an afterthought. As wonderful as it would be to be able to afford (financially and time off-wise) a honeymoon immediately following the wedding where we can be tourists, relax and revel in the sanctity of marriage, we will steel our honeymoon for a later time. However, to those couples who do get to take a honeymoon after their wedding, I give you the slow clap.

Make Love, Not Babies

At the wedding, a lot of people mentioned "have lots of kids." I get it, first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Leila and Tim with a baby carriage. For the record this is not my first ride on the marital merry-go-round. I was married from 2001 to 2006 to someone who is still, in my eyes, a very good, outstanding man. He just wasn't the right good man for me. My divorce was a pretty big upset for my family who had finally accepted my haole husband. One of the reasons we didn't work was he was pressuring me for kids. I was 22, recently graduated Magna Cum Laude from the University of North Carolina Wilmington with a B.A. I didn't want kids.

Tim and I have been together for not quite 3 years. While I have decided that kids would be nice, I'm a big fan of waiting. Hey, it's a step up from me not wanting kids, period. I want to make sure Tim and I have a good, solid relationship. Bringing a child into this world should be a serious decision made by both the parents, when they are both ready and probably after a trip to a therapist to prepare us. Right now, I am enjoying my time with Tim too much to consider a child. I want to make sure our foundation is solid, that we mend any possible cracks and dig out any intrusive roots before we "settle down" and "make babies."

Children are a beautiful, wonderful, exciting thing. I just want the wedding excitement to lull for say 3-5 years before I set about on a new adventure. Above all, I am excited about my new life and my future with Tim. I love that there are so many people ready and waiting to play babysitter to our future kids.

Deep breaths, our babies will happen, when we and the world are ready. Plus, there's always adoption.

Home is Where You Retreat To?

Since moving to the mainland all anyone has ever asked me is "why?"

Why leave Hawaii?
Why did you more HERE??!!
Why don't you move back?

I was born and raised in Hawaii and I was raised very traditionally. I was in a hula halau, I learned to surf and swim at a young age, I have a tendency to speak pidgin especially while drunk. Hawaii will always be my home. In fact, it's more than my home, it's my heritage.

Even at a young age, I turned the "mainland" into something exotic. Hawaii was not "exotic" to me it was just where I lived everyday. That's not to say it's not beautiful, it is gorgeous and I have never been able to live inland because of my connection to the ocean.

I craved seasons. As a child, I wanted the colorful leaves of the fall racked into a pile so I could play in them. I wanted to see snow and the way it turns a landscape pure and white. I wanted to see flowers bloom and the bright burst of green that came in the spring. I was raised in perpetual summer.


It was always my intention to explore and discover a place other than the tropical shores of my homeland. North Carolina was never comfortable but my experience there I wouldn't trade for anything. But here in Washington, I feel good. The mountains are everywhere you turn and the water is clear and full of life.

The question "Why don't you move back?" always fills me with a little bit of rage. Why should I move back? Because it's your idea of paradise? Maybe this is my idea of paradise. I love Hawaii. It is and will always be my home, I cannot stress that enough. For whatever reason, I fight moving back home I feel like it is a retreat, like my white flag is going up. Like I can't make it with the new and the brave and I have to fall back on comfort and familiarity. While I miss my family horribly and toy with the notion of moving back home to be with them. I am too stubborn to see a move to Hawaii as anything but throwing in the towel.

The traffic, the heat, the overpopulation, the high cost of living, the tourists and the living tourists. These are all factors I use to back up my decision. Sure, I could live on another island, one that more happily reflects people's notion of Hawaii - Maui, the "new" Waikiki or my favorite island Kauai.  But given the lethargic nature of the islands, the spell the islands cast that seeps into your soul through your pores, that hangs in the humidity, I would slack and not see my family nearly as much as I'd like. Also outside of Oahu the islands offer limited jobs, actives and sometimes an even higher cost of living. Call me crazy but $8 for a gallon of milk does not fill me with joy despite how bright the sun is shinning.

Every time I go home, I want to stay. I want to burrow myself deep in the green bosom of the tropical isles that are my home. Something in me is resilient, resisting the urge to cave and retreat home. And I love bringing people home with me. I love playing tour guide and showing people my home. But if i never left the islands I wouldn't have these friends to show the islands to. I am a new strain of Hawaiian one resistant to the homelands of my birth. It's a little saddening but I feel like a Hawaiian on a new frontier, I'm onto something big.