Your Face and Food

Low carb, high protein, no sugar, Paleo, Atkins, shakes, juice, cleanse, percentages … I feel like it’s all such crap. I mean whatever works for your body and you’re willing to maintain long term (meaning until you’re old and wrinkled) then have at it. I know my body and my body rebels against me and pretty much hates everything I try to do to it. That being said, any type of restrictive diet and I don’t work. Okay, THAT being said I have a restrictive diet for medical reasons thanks to my super sensitive stomach. I can’t eat red meat (unless it’s crazy lean, as in as lean as it could ever possibly be. That cow ran marathons in the hills of someplace sunny and had a name), can’t eat mayonnaise, dried apricots, acidic tomatoes, cherries (yeah I still eat them and suffer) and there’s more I just can’t remember right now. Most of these are what I call gut punchers. For me if I eat too much I end up in the bathroom for a good chunk of the day (3-6 hours), in pain. The dried Apricots make my throat close so that’s always fun.   

All of THAT being said, my “diet” is called balance and moderation. Boom! I waved my magic wand and will now lose weight. Ha! But seriously it took me a long time to find what worked for me and I can proudly say I don’t care. If I never get to my “goal weight,” I don’t care. If I plateau and feel my workouts are in vain, I don’t care. If I could possibly be a little bit healthier, I don't care. The reason I stopped caring? If you’re going to try to make me do math or take away my bread I will cut you. I bet there are a lot of things I could do to my diet to make it so that I lose more weight or am slightly healthier but you know what? I don’t care. I try to eat mostly veggies and fruit with some lean proteins (egg whites, chicken breast, lean ground beef and center cut pork loins with the occasional bacon thrown in there), whole wheat or fiber rich breads and pastas and of course white rice that I mix with brown and while I'm not the thinnest I've ever been in my life (18-20 year old Leila was Hot) or as tone, etc, etc. I don't care. I don’t believe my body can’t process the food I’m giving it. Want to know why? Because I have very few stomach issues (aside from where I get sick off cherries) and I poop regularly. Poop is important. I don’t care who you think you are that you’re above poop but you’re not. If you’re not pooping at least once a day, something might be wrong. I don’t know what might be wrong but you should be pooping and it shouldn’t be painful or liquid or weird. If you have a dog and you pick up their poop, don’t tell me you don’t know if something is or isn’t wrong with your dog by their poop. When it’s a weird color, not solid at all, painful or bloody you get concerned right? You should probably do the same for yourself. My dog, like his owner, has a sensitive stomach. He can’t have red meat or pineapples (though he loves them). I can tell when someone (usually me) has been sneaking him restrictive food because his poop is weird and painful. You’ll be happy to know, I poop fine.

Now that I have completely grossed out anyone actually reading this allow me to say: our bodies are wonderlands (ha ha ha). No but they are they are unique, amazing, complex, awe inspiring things no matter what shape or size or color. Find your balance, find what works for you and cling to that for dear life. Make sure it’s something you can maintain until you have more wrinkles than cells in your body (ha!) and don’t listen to the nay sayers, the haters, the advice givers, etc. etc. Unless your DOCTOR tells you you’re allergic or your health needs help, DO NOT GOOGLE DIETING TIPS OFF THE INTERNET or let your friends dictate your diet. What works for them may not work for you. My Tutu (grandmother) has lived her entire life (92 years) off pretty much fresh fruit, meat, rice, coffee, fat and white wine. If you cut the fat off your steak or take the skin off your chicken, Tutu will eat it. My tutu got a hip replaced when she was 90 and isn't wheelchair bound by any sense of the word. She’s only recently shrunk down to 5’8” and I feel like if anyone tried to take away any of her key foods, her health would suffer. Listen to your bodies, work with your bodies, not against them and don’t let your brain do all the talking (Do I really want that hamburger which I know will cause my stomach to explode or am I even really hungry?). Accept your body, listen to it, love it and moving it around a bit doesn't hurt either but don’t take it from me take it from you.  

A Day

I feel it is okay to have a day. Whether it’s a day to yourself or to be sad, happy, to reconnect with nature, to eat a pint of ice cream, to sleep, to drink till you forget, the list continues. It’s okay to have a day. Don’t beat yourself up. Don’t regret your day; don’t be upset that you had it.

I am many things – Awesome, fragile, loving, supportive, petty, funny, smart, stupid, beautiful, etc., etc. I’m not one thing. I am a writer simply because it’s in my heart. Do I get published or even write much anymore, nope. Would I like to, yep but I’m not going to be upset with myself because of my time restrictions or lack of motivation. I can’t be mad at me all the time. Recently it’s been drawn to my attention that I am apparently a photographer too, though I am very, very hesitant to say that. I know many photographers and I by no means can compete with them but I am selling prints of my scenery so I guess I have to accept that I am what I am and that’s all that I am. I am a hula dancer. This I can say confidently. I’ve dance with 3 halaus and 1 group spanning 14 years. I am not a kumu, I would like to be someday, though. I’m just a little brown girl in a little grass skirt in love with my culture, my heritage and the graceful beauty that is hula dancing. I am a runner. No explanation needed, I hope. It took many people to make me realize what I am, what I have the potential to be and what I need to appreciate about myself.

My day today is a pitiful one. My husband and I just moved to California from Washington leaving behind, for me friendships that I cannot replace. Today he leaves for a 2-day trip. I’m alone with my dog in a house full of boxes. I miss my friends, my Washington sunrises, my husband and my crafts. There is the crushing weight of defeat pressing down on me today. This move was stressful our stuff got thrashed in the move, our financial situation is nonexistent, my job got reformed and I was fearing I’d lose it, there was a lot that went into this move. To top it off the move made running sort of null and void for a while and I find myself starting from scratch. Slowly building up my endurance again. My wrist and left hip are both damaged. Hula dancing is on the back burner as is photography. Writing has been on the back burner since 2006.

I feel off track, disassembled, lost. I’m allowing these feelings. I’m letting them happen. I’m letting them wash over me. I’m allowing all the fear, guilt, sadness and pain soak in through my skin. I’m giving myself this day because I know tomorrow is a new day. One where if I need to I will list the benefits of this move. Life is interesting it pulls a lot of magic tricks, a lot of suspense, a lot of pit falls. Give yourself a day to appreciate what you are truly feeling. Let it be one day, then wash that day right out of your hair and send it down the drain.

Something I wrote (somewhat) recently:

Other People

One of my favorite Photos I've ever taken:

Your Daily Dose of Duke #23

It's been awhile I have many things I'd like to write about but until then here is The Duke!

Om nom nom

I didn't roll on that dead seal, honest.

Hi!

Oh, am I ruining your shot?

Everything the light touches is MINE!

What's that over there?

Drooly Face!

Allow me to be mysterious in this shot.

Why Drool?

I'M ADOPTED???!!!!!

Winter is Coming

Your Daily Dose of Duke #22

I'm sorry I love my dog so much but you should probably love him too.

On our Way to the Poulsbo Beer Run

Yeah I don't remember taking this picture.

Thanksgiving Snarl

Look Away

STOP IT

The Ocean Smells Like Dead Fish

Yeah, Slober

So cute

Love Him

What's that over there

Last Birthday of My 20s – Year in Review

I’m 29. For real, not like I’m 31 and say I’m 29 I actually turned 29. I don’t know if you know this but it’s kind of a big deal because I’m kind of a big deal.

For the past few years my birthday has followed the same sort of pattern: 

-        Wake up get Happy Birthday from the man I love, smile.

-        Cry, painfully for about 3 hours. It’s a mixture of missing my mom, getting older, smashed dreams and thinking my birthday is insignificant and I’m the only one who cares. Woes to me. I usually cry in the shower, it’s therapeutic.

-        Get super excited that it’s my birthday, make grand plans.

-        Cancel all plans and retreat to depression.

-        Wage war against my birthday.

-        Open my mouth to talk and end up crying.

-        Secretly hope friends will come to my rescue and force me to celebrate.

-        Friends come to my rescue.

-        Feel stupid.

This year was no different. I am crazy. Don’t know if you knew that either. I laugh about it the next day because it sounds like the ramblings of a madman and I issue a formal apology to friends and family that have seen me go through my weird whatever you’d call it.

I’m much better now. This year has been a good one in the books as far as I’m concern. Married life is awesome my husband IS my best friend. I couldn’t ask for someone better (cause there is none, see what I did there?). My job? I have one! That’s really all that matters. I lost a bunch of weight through being a crazy workout person. I feel much, much better, not because I lost the weight, necessarily, but because through eating better and working out I have lower stress levels, am no so cranky and am easily able to maintain the craziest schedule known to man. I started down the path of becoming a volunteer fire fighter, my work schedule was adaptable, it is an amazing field and I needed a hobby that would get me out of the house. Ha! Currently, I work 40 hours a week, am in class (which is a 40-minute drive one way from my house) 16 hours a week, pull one 7-10 hour shift at the fire station a week and somehow get running, the gym, and the other mundane stuff in my life in there. I’m in a constant state of exhaustion, but I’m never bored. I’ve made life-long friends. Tim is getting out of the Navy and we’re moving to Southern California. Lots of changes, lots of news, lots of excitement and all before my 30^th year. I see great things to come!

I’m a Halloweenie

I love Halloween. Not just because I’m a horror film addict or because I love costumes and candy but because of what it represents. As a kid, my family went BIG for Halloween (oh and we were Catholics) and it’s one of the few holidays you can go BIG for decorations wise and not have it be weird. For me, Halloween meant family time. We’d have a neighborhood parade and then a party before we went trick-or-treating. My mom and dad always dressed up. It was honestly a magical time. I like that it symbolizes the entrance of winter and emphasizes the fall but most importantly, I love that it shows that our country is accepting, of everyone and every boy and ghoul.

 

I am not a religious person. I am a spiritual person but I don’t adhere to one religion. Our country was not founded on religion but on freedom from religious persecution. Halloween for me is one of the few holidays free of religious influences. You can try to say it’s a pagan holiday and the dead come back to life yadda yadda but I don't think of it as some religious pagan holiday. To me it's just an awesome holiday where I get to dress up and hand out candy and get scared. It has influences, sure, but it's not a holiday that adheres to one religion. The pagans have influenced other "Christian" holidays and we don't mind those. If you look at the holiday of Easter and ask what bunnies and eggs have to do with it that’s because the Christians incorporated pagan practices to convert them. Everyone can be tricksters. Pagans worshipped a goddess of fertility whose symbol was a rabbit. They painted eggs as offerings in hopes of a good harvest/growing season. If their offering was accepted they’d see a rabbit!

Seeing Halloween as anything more than a harvest festival with deeply rooted traditions of dressing up and “trick-or-treating” is just weird to me. Don’t read so much into it. Enjoy the costumes, enjoy the magic and enjoy the fall. 

Thanksgiving and Christmas are nice. I do love me some Turkey. Thanksgiving has been taken over as a religious holiday which I guess it is but I’ve always seen it and have been raised to see it as a time to give thanks for what and who we have in our lives not for what God has bestowed us. However some of my religious people refuse to see it as anything but a time to give thanks to God. The first Thanksgiving was with “heathens” who didn’t believe in god or understand a prayer. It was a THANK YOU to the heathens which helped them survive. But to each their own. 

Christmas and I used to be friends when my mom was alive. After my mom, the biggest Christmas lover of them all, died Christmas took on a much more sinister, depressing and terrifying tone than Halloween with its “traditions” ever could. I don’t like Christmas not just because of the loss of my mother but because it’s all about what you can buy. I hate gift giving, I hate receiving gifts (truly). If Christmas is about loving your fellow man how about you just tell them that or do some volunteer work or just spend quality time with your family. Some people do. I intend when I have kids to make sure they know the holiday is NOT just about gifts but about love. Love for your family. Love for your fellow man. Love for the season. 

I’m working on loving Christmas again it’s just hard with all the commercialism and spoiled, rotten flavor of it all. Christmas Day is beautiful, after the presents are unwrapped and it’s just family enjoying each others company. Leading up to Christmas I want to poke out my eyes, burst my ear drums and hibernate.

I’m not trying to advocate Halloween or tell you it’s better than it is. I’m also not trying to put down any other holiday. I am merely expressing my opinions on the matter. This is how I feel. This is why I do the things I do. I’m me.

Your Daily Dose of Duke # 21

It's been awhile. Duke hasn't really been up to much. Same-old, same-old - sleeping on the couch, sleeping on one of two dog beds, sleeping on our bed, running in the yard. i have started taking him on more runs with me again. Even ran him 5 miles recently. He's kind of a jerk to run with but he does love being outside and peeing on everything.

Duke seriously loves the beach, but hates the water.

He is not impressed.

This picture cracks me up. He's coming at ya, full force!

I found this hilarious.

Action shot

his imitation of a goat.