What is Love?

After meeting Tim, I’ve come to analyze love. Not only because people asked me constantly about our “story” and how we “knew,” but because I like to analyze things and break it down. What I’ve come to realize is my definition of the big L word. My definition and even ways to maintain it. This isn’t my first time at the poker table, but how did I know Tim and I were each other’s “ones?” Read Below.

Definition: Love is exposing yourself to someone, with all your daily habits, eccentrics, weirdness and flaws and having one person who loves and appreciates every part of you.

A Couple of Weirdoes

I am an odd mixture of nerves, delights, craziness, happiness, optimism, fears, and clumsiness (just to name a few) all combined into a carbonated beverage and someone’s shook the bottle. I am excited over small things, dance in supermarkets, make up songs about my dog and food and am terrified of birds (just to name a few). I have several laughs, I am loud, talkative, outspoken and at times barbaric, my husband loves me for all of these reasons.

Life would be boring if it weren’t weird. My husband not only accepts all the random parts that make up a full Leila, but he appreciates it. He doesn’t love me (only) for my looks or my superficial qualities, he doesn’t love me (only) because I laugh at all his jokes and he doesn’t love me (only) because I take care of him. He loves all of me and he revels in my eccentrics and me in his. 

This also puts us totally at ease with one another, which means common bodily functions, expressive language and mannerisms are all taken and accepted.  Basically, we don’t have to pretend or hide any part of ourselves from one another.

Getting Down and Dirty

If you can’t tell your partner that they’ve got something in their teeth, scratch their back or clean up their puke after a long night of adventures, then you haven’t taken down all the relationship walls yet.

For instance, Tim had surgery not long after we started living together. It was in a sensitive spot one most people wouldn’t want anyone paying attention to nor would anyone want to actually be around that part of someone’s body for long periods of time. I didn’t think twice about cleaning the stitches, attending to the wounds and replacing bandages. Everyone told me “well, it must be love.” Well, duh. Being able to still be so enamored and happy to be with someone whom you just wiped drool or snot away from their face, says a lot.

In return, Tim has had to endure some horrific situations with me and my fickle stomach.  If you can still smile and kiss a person who just spent 4 hours in the bathroom with what sounded like explosions being the only noise making it through the door, guess what? You’re pretty comfortable with one another.  And odds are you won’t get grossed out with the daily grinds of living in the same space.

Love Obsession

I love Tim. I love him so much that every event I plan, I plan with Tim in mind. I am obsessed with Tim. I know what he likes, I know what he doesn’t like. I can read what mood he’s in and what he’ll want for dinner.  I love having pictures of Tim and I and I love to look at pictures of Tim and me.

There is this crazy need to always have Tim in the back of my mind. It’s wonderful. I’ve never been with someone I’ve wanted to spend so much time with. There is a thin line however between love obsession and actual obsession. I do not stalk Tim, read his emails, go through his phone or have to contact him constantly during the day. When I get home I require a kiss and some cuddling before bed but knowing where the guy is 24/7 is way too distracting for those of us with a life.

Having a Life

Obsession is fun but separation has it perks too. So that we don’t become bored or irritated with one another, I have always thought it was important to have separate hobbies that take you away from one another. I love Tim I want to spend time with him, but I do not want to learn Brazilian Jujitsu. Sorry, we don’t have to have everything in common. I love to run, Tim hates to sweat without a purpose.

In addition to our difference on exercise, I like to dance hula and I don’t think that is a passion for Tim.  We also like different comic books, have different passions and attend different events. Being together all the time can be exhausting. You have no fun stories to tell that don’t get cut short with “I was there.” So Tim plays poker with work people and I have game nights with my coworkers.  Having circles of friends that you can hang out with together or separately is fantastic. If Tim doesn’t want to go shoe shopping (because that’s high on a man’s priority list) then I have a back-up.

I enjoy our time apart because it makes our time together that much better.  Am I sad if he goes away on even an overnight trip? Yes. Because I’m obsessed with him.  Is it going to be the death of me? No.

Free Thinkers

Tim and I don’t see eye-to-eye on everything. I love that. We can have debates without getting hot headed, we can have different viewpoints and talk about it. We can even outright say we don’t like something the other one does and it’s okay. I hate the band Kittie, Tim does not. Tim loves the comic book DMZ, I do not.

We both like a lot of the same things – movies, some comic books, authors, video games, etc but the things we differ on aren’t a means to an end. He likes vampires, I like zombies. They are both horror film icons but we aren’t going to argue their fundamentals and why the other person should like this. I can say I think Tim would look handsome in argyle sweater vests and he can, in turn, laugh in my face. I’m not going to push the issue.  If one of us likes something we don’t force fed it to the other one.

I’m a fan of growing and changing but all in due time.

So that’s it. I love Tim and I love him because we have the above type of connection. I knew Tim was for me because from the minute we met I was obsessed and couldn’t stop thinking about him. We’ve spent our relationship exploring one another’s flaws, weaknesses, fears, oddities and have only grown into a deeper love and appreciation. If they try to change you, rip you down, control your life or are in anyway abusive, that ain’t love, get out.

Weddings = Madness

As a researcher for a wedding company, I literally look at hundreds of websites a week that are wedding related. Some websites are shockingly beautiful (mostly photographers) and some are shockingly bad (djs). Some offer a lot of good ideas and advice (wedding planners) and some offer nothing but their services (bakeries).  Wading through the bull, what has stood out to me with weddings are, they’re a big ‘ol mess and up to anyone’s interpretation.

To me a wedding is a big celebration regarding the joining of two lives because of the bonds of love. You want to be with this person, you want to grow old with this person, support this person, be proud of this person, maybe start a family and create new life, together. Your personalities should be reflected in your celebration whether it’s 20 guests or 200. Finding a leg to stand on or where to start is hard.

I remember buying three wedding magazines that looked interesting to me. When I flipped through the almost catalogue sized magazines, I was only able to find one, ONE, image worth tearing out of the “books” to add to my wedding portfolio. All the pictures were gorgeous but all the weddings featured were the same. They all seemed to fall into one of these categories- fancy dress/high fashion wedding, relaxed dress/country wedding, interesting dress/hipster wedding or flowing dress/beach wedding.  They all had detail pictures some neat but mostly they were all things I had seen before. The same checklist of what to do and when to do it. It was, to be honest, boring. All the brides were these thin, waifs of a girl in white dresses and the men were rough and handsome. I began to doubt these were even real weddings. It seemed like an elaborate stage set in glossy, high resolution.

Where is the magazine to help brides plan on a budget? Or plan from out of state? Or plan a unique wedding? Have we lost all use for being individuals and unique? Where are the glamorous bigger girls? The sassy mixed breeds? Have weddings too become so mainstream there is no river of diversion? Every magazine was telling me – this is a once in a lifetime event you should splurge, but I didn’t want to, I wanted to be thrifty and fun and smart about it.

Everyone seems to mention offbeatbiride.com, which is a great site, but it too hyper focuses on a certain type of wedding – everyone is tattoo’d, goth, punk, rockabilly, psychobilly, zombies. It’s the exact opposite, but that’s it. It too lax diversity. It has great ideas and suggestions but lacks the traditional influence. Also, while the internet is grand, I really just want something concrete, in my hands to flip through. I don’t want to pay a small fortune for a book I will use for six months and then try to resell on Amazon. I sit in a chair all day and surf the internet for work, the last thing I wanted to do was sit in a chair in front of my computer at home and research wedding tips, ideas, timelines, etc.

Most of what I came up with for my wedding was just things that came to me and some suggestions from friends – a futurama wedding cake, a photobooth with a cheesy Tiki theme, Tiki magnets as favors to go with the photobooth pictures, my dress was bought from a consignment bridal shop… I mean it wasn’t like I needed to research a lot but I wanted to because this is the one day you can make it all about you. If you want pies instead of a wedding cake, go for it, if you want a skull covered alter instead of a marble one, have at it, if you want a black dress instead of white, enjoy.

I just want all brides to know it’s not easy, being green (eco-friendly) or finding your own groove. You get a lot of sometimes unwanted input from people on what your wedding should be and it’s easy to lose sight of what your day is … It’s YOUR day. I loved my wedding I just wish there was some magazine out there that I could buy in the local grocery store (without having to research on the internet where to buy it) that spans the grander spectrum of weddings – from the weird to the unique to the traditional with advice on transplanting weddings, saving money and loving the process. I want it all and I want it now. 

The route we went with our Wedding Website 

My Daily Routine

People have hinted at the fact that I am a raging optimist. Despite whatever big hurdles I have overcome I remain excited and happy. It is very rare to see me down for long. It's infectious and it's also why so many of my close friends come to me when they are down. I love my friends I will do anything for the people I hold close in my life. My infectious good mood (for the most part) is because I have a daily ritual of inspirations, joys and triumphs.

There are daily heroes in this world, people who should inspire you. My father is my foremost hero. Not only because he was a firefighter for 32 years but because he's my father, he raised me after my mom died, I don't know how he endured raising four girls after losing the love of his life. My littlest sister is another hero, she lost her mom at 7 and has somehow grown into being a responsible, strong woman. Tutu, my grandmother, is an amazing woman. Surviving in Hawaii through World War II, outliving her husband, raising 5 kids, fighting to get a job and at 90 after a hip replacement surgery struggling through the pain to walk again. My mother-in-law is the newest addition to my list of heroes and inspirations. She's back in school and with an outstanding career she managed to raise two marvelous kids after Tim's father died.

These people keep me going. They are who I think of or turn to when I need to get through a tough time. The greatest inspiration and person who I turn to most is my husband. He's in the Navy and I am in awe of his strength in being able to endure in the Navy. The first 6 months of our relationship was long distance. I met him in Hawaii when I went home for a wedding, he was stationed at Pearl Harbor, we only hung out for 3 days but we had an irrefutable connection. I was living in North Carolina and he spent his tax return on a plane ticket to visit me. For 3 of those 6 months he was deployed on a submarine and I would get an email once or twice a week if I were lucky and they were short. I emailed him once a day, twice sometimes. At one point when they surfaced and were able to check their emails he had 8 emails from me where some married men had none. I feel honored to be with a man who willingly serves his country. Our relationship is not based on whether or not he stays in the Navy, but I will support him any way he chooses to live his life. I am just proud of him.

There are stigmas associated with a military wife. I know them well. Barefoot and pregnant, jobless and dependent. But that has never been comfortable or appealing to me. I was married before for 5 years to a Marine. Being a young, married military couple, we knew other military couples our age with 2 or 3 kids. I was so focused on my education, I couldn't imagine having children yet. It is one of the factors that broke us up. I want children when I am ready. When my husband and I have spent quality time together first. In all honesty, I would love to be the breadwinner and my husband the be the stay at home parent. But my career is not going to afford me such a luxury. I am a workaholic. I am a mover and a shaker. Tim and I will make our own path and we will be fine and we will love every minute of it because we’re together, we've found each other and we'll survive.

Though I complain about frustrations, my weight, my career and annoyances, I am extremely grateful for my life. I finally have a job I'm comfortable at that has afforded me some great friends. I have some amazing friends and family. My dog is my life. I have food in my belly, a roof over my head and Netflix. Most importantly, I just married a man I am madly in love with and who I can be myself around. I live in a land of forests and water, mountains and beauty. There are many small things to rejoice over if you choose to focus on them.

My life has taken many twists and turns. From almost not graduating high school to graduating Magna Cum Laude from the University of North Carolina at Wilmington. From losing my mother at 13 to gaining a wonderful mother and sister at 27. From having a substance dependency to barely being able to stomach alcohol. I have been in an abusive relationship; I have had eating disorders; I have had psychological breakdowns. I have overcome them all and I hope I've turned out better. Reflecting on my past does not weaken me, but strengthens me, I know what I have endured and I know what I can endure.

Working Out Is Hard To Do

“In my dreams I have an ice cream tree, I have a gym that works out for me.” – The Aquabats

I am unhappy with my weight. All the positive reinforcement is not going to change how I feel. While I am happy for my tiny waist and large rump, I am not so happy with my stomach, arms, thighs and the double chin that is brewing. I haven’t been comfortable with my weight since I was, oh, 13. The wedding brought on a whole new stew pot of fears. Everyone wants to look good on their wedding day. But with stress making it hard to shed those pounds and the hectic schedule of wedding planning, working out falls low on the list.

There are some people out there who complain about their weight but don’t want to change their life to accommodate weight loss. Surprisingly, I love exercising. I don’t mean I do it as a chore to reach a goal; I mean I LOVE it. Something about sweating and getting this daily sense of accomplish makes me okay about my weight, my life and gives me the ability to sleep for that day.

Why I never want to get out of bed.

Let’s face it, good relationships make you fat. It’s true. You get comfortable, you want to spend time together, the couch becomes your best friend and before you know it you’ve packed on 20 pounds, while your male counterpart has gained 5 pounds.  You start eating 3 salads a week and he’s lost 15 pounds, while you’ve lost 5 pounds. I get it. It happens. Unless you’re one of those –lets-get-out-and-bike-10-miles-together-or-go-hiking-or-run-a-marathon – couples, I think it’s safe to say you age, you get comfortable, you gain weight.

My exercise drug of choice is running.  I love to run; I’m not “good” at it but the feeling I get after running 2 miles and walking a mile versus sitting on the couch for 30 minutes is unmistakably different. I have horrible knees, I run very slowly, I can’t seem to improve my lung capacity enough to run more than 2 miles, hills make me feel like puking, but I still enjoy it. A lot.  Plus it’s free, no gym membership here.

I used to surf and be thinner. It's great exercise if you can do it.

Finding the time and gumption to work out is hard. Really hard.  For the brides who use their wedding as a goal, good for you, kudos. If it shakes you out of your funk and get you on track to eating better and working out, huzzah. But are you going to keep up with it after the wedding? If not, what was the point of stressing yourself out and starving yourself and going on ridiculous diets? Just to look good in pictures that aren’t going to reflect the “true” you? I feel like diets are the new snakeskin oil. Eat this way and you’ll lose X amount of weight. It’s like a Traveling Miracle Medicine Man but in book or DVD form and it’s strict and cruel and there’s a laundry list of rules.  I feel like it’s a shell game. You never know how each diet is going to work for you. Maybe this diet will work but this diet won’t and you won’t know until you try. Then when you go out to dinner with friends you have to make the waiter juggle a million restrictions just so you can be around people.  Oh and you can’t have a beer or cocktail because then you’ll gain 5 pounds overnight.

Diets are stupid. I’m sorry, I’m saying it. Are you going to stick to a diet for the rest of your life? Really? The only thing I feel that has some value is Weight Watchers because it teaches you how to eat. How to weigh decisions with food. I LOVE FOOD. There, I said it. Food is delicious but it's all about balance. Sure, that cake looks fabulous but do I really want to run/walk an extra 5 miles just to burn it off? Is it worth engorging myself for 2 minutes of glorious satisfaction? Sometimes, but not all the time.

Though I am unhappy with my weight, I exercise and I eat decently. My chips are baby carrots, my “sweet treat” is sugar free pudding, etc, etc. I try my best to fit in at least 30 minutes of exercise a day. I’ve started incorporating yoga (at home, no one needs to see that), weight training, etc. The beauty is thanks to the internet you can get a lot of exercise ideas, moves and options online, for free. I once paid a ridiculous amount of money for a personal trainer once a week to show me exercises to do. No cardio, just weight training. I feel like it was such a waste of money. I found all the exercises she taught me online, sure it helps to have someone there to make sure your movements are correct but is that really worth the money? I didn’t lose ANY weight during my training and I was going to the gym 4 days a week. I have since quit the gym. A yoga mat, exercise orb, some resistance bands and weights and you can accomplish many things at home if you sacrifice 30 minutes of your time.

Hiking is also awesome exercise.

Now, I have the motivation to work out every day but no partner in crime. Working out alone is not fun. No fun at all. It’s easier to push off working out when there isn’t someone else relying on you.  How I survive and still manage to work out is with my dog. I take my dog running and as long as it’s not too hot, he won’t fake a limp. Even my dog comes up with excuses not to exercise with me sometimes. I guess take a hint where it’s implied. I used to run or walk or do some form of cross training every day at work with a co-worker. But she’s not here anymore. So now it’s up to me to get out on my lunch break and stretch my legs. But that is the annoyance of wanting to exercise it won’t happen if you don’t make time. I will make time, I have to or I feel bad and gain more weight. Even if it’s just parking 15 minutes away from work to force yourself to walk further, taking the stairs instead of the elevator, etc. It’s the small changes that add up to a big difference. Pack a healthy lunch to work and take 30 minutes to walk around the office, the building, the block, up and down stairs. The first step to any routine is making time.

I feel that if you hyper focus on weight loss it won’t come. Just like if you hyper focus on anything it won’t work. My will bends no spoons. I am unhappy with my weight. I am addicted to running. I create long-term goals for better eating. I don’t push myself too hard. I have faith that my weight will change overtime with persistence and devotion. I wouldn’t trade the rush I get after running or walking or swimming for anything. You should try it sometime.

United We Stand Divided We Fall

America is a country divided, grown too big for it's britches. What once was a horrific event that bonded us as a nation is, 10 years later, a dividing rod. People dismissing the event as a conspiracy, dismissing the event all together, denying the lives lost any compensation.

It sickens me that we were all once so close and now we all can't even agree on the Pledge of Allegiance. That was the best part of my day as a kid. I would still be groggy, rubbing sleep from my eyes when we'd get to stand up, get the blood flowing and with our hands over our hearts, heads held high, eyes zeroed in on the American flag we would announce:

I pledge allegiance

To the flag

Of the United States of America

And to the Republic

For which it stands

One nation

Under God

Indivisible

With Liberty and justice for all.

I don't believe in God, sorry I was raised Catholic and rebelled. But I honestly don't take offense to the Pledge of Allegiance. You know why? Because it's history. I love history. I loved being a kid and being a part of something and I’m sad my kids won't have that connection. It would appear no American has that connection anymore. We are divided by the extremists and the crackpots, the devout and the anarchists, the elitists and the military. Our nation is a mess, tearing itself apart. We are divisible.

There is no unifying factor anymore. There is no one event, symbol or thought that will make people who recognize themselves as American stand up and take notice. A lot of people living in this country won't even recognize themselves as American. I doubt they'd stand up for the Anthem at a sports event and I'm doubtful children today even know the words or have any unifying connection to their country.

It's some weird Christianity effect. When the Christians were cornered by the Romans they would either deny their faith and live or stand up for their faith and die. I know a lot of people who travel to other countries and say they are Canadian instead of American to avoid the rolling eyes of other people.

How sad is that?

How sad is it to say you support our troops but want them home? That's an oxymoron. If you supported our troops you would support their endeavors. They are doing a job. A job they have to believe is good or else lose all hope. By demolishing what they are doing you are pulling the carpet out from under them. I support our troops, our police and our firefighters. I have been connected to various loved ones involved in all those veins of service.

I still don't understand why those who bang their drums and scream from the rooftops all that is wrong with this country won't move to another country. Armenia forces you into the military for 2 years if you're a male between 18-27 years old. Austria also makes it mandatory for males between 18-35 to serve in the military for a minimum of 6 months. Conscientious Objectors are not excused and must join the civilian service for 9 months minimum. Belarus requires men between the ages of 18-27 to serve for 18 months if they don't have higher education and 12 months if they do. Bermuda maintains it's local forces with a lottery of men between 18-32 who serve for 4 years. In beautiful Brazil you're required to serve 2 years of military service once you're a male who reaches the age of 18, granted there are a lot of exceptions to this rule. Columbia requires if you're a man between 18-24 that you serve 18 months, but you can also volunteer. In The Republic of Cyprus men aged 18-50 that are Greek Cypriot, Armenians, Latins and Maronites serve their country for 2 years and are forever considered reservists after their service. Conscientious Objectors can serve 33 months of unarmed army service or 38 months of community work. Denmark requires all able men usually between the ages 18-27 to serve for 4 months or longer though there are restrictions to this as well and men deemed fit can be called to service up until their 50^th birthday. Egypt requires men between 18-30 to serve in their military for anywhere from 14 to 36 months. If you go to college you can postpone your service until after but if you wait until you are 30 it's to late and you have to pay a fine. The only exempt are the only males in a family, males supporting their parents or males with dual citizenship. Greece has mandatory military service for 9 months for men, Conscientious Objectors serve for 42 months in civilian service. Iran requires men once they reach 16 to serve a minimum of 16 months depending on their location in the country. Israel requires both men and women to serve. All Israel citizens at the age of 18 must serve - men for 3 years, women for 2 years. South Korea is also mandatory military at the age of 18 for males for 21 months Conscientious Objectors are imprisoned. Mexico now requires all males reaching the age of 18 to sign up for the military for one year, though the position in the military is done by lottery. Norway requires men between 18.5 and 44 to serve 19 months. Russia has a mandatory 12 months of service between 18-27 on a drafted basis but there are loopholes to getting out. In Singapore men 18-21 are required to serve for 24 months. Switzerland makes men do a series of military training and exercises in the military totaling 260 days for privates. Conscientious Objectors serve 390 days of volunteer work. In Turkey males between the ages of 20-41 serve 15 months for privates, 12 months for reserve officers and 6 months for short term privates. Conscientious Objection is illegal in Turkey. The Ukraine allow males to either serve in reserve officer training for 2 years or regular military service for one year.

So before you go bashing our country and our military know that our military service is voluntary and you should be happy you live in a country that allows the freedoms you so love to take for granted.

When the towers came down everyone in America should have taken notice. To see people jumping to their deaths to escape a worse fate. To see people covered in the ash of what was a part of the iconic skyline of New York City. To see the families destroyed, the lives lost, the city in tears should have pulled some heart string in every American. The fact that 10 years later, people want to discuss the lies, conspiracies and conditions surrounding the attacks is heartbreaking. We are a nation that does not stand as one, that cannot grieve together a loss. United We Stand. Divided We Fall.

DIY to Death

My wedding was awesome and the main contributing factor was I had so much help. From the invitations to the flowers, I relied heavily on friends and family to produce my dream wedding. If it wasn’t for my friends and family pitching in to help out I can’t imagine how much this wedding would have cost. If you have friends or family with a talent, even if it’s a talent for something small like making paper hearts, use them. As long as they’re willing to do it, use them. Use them all.

The bouquets

Our Custom Wine Bottle

My friend, who is a graphic designer created our invitations (which were nerdy, awesome and perfect). My cousin was my wedding planner and kept me on point for some of the more major timelines.  My stepsister was my florist and the flowers were some of the most amazing bouquets I’ve ever seen.  My auntie was my event planner and handled all the food, linens, plates, set up, break down, fight, fight, fight. My father made my wedding arch and had a hook up for the Orchid plants for the centerpieces and even re-built the fence at his house for the reception so everything was as beautiful as possible. Another friend of the family made custom wine bottles for the centerpieces. Our officiant was my high school guidance counselor. Our venue was our neighbor’s house. Two of my closest friends flew from North Carolina to Hawaii to do hair, makeup and photography. My stepmother got lohala fans for the ceremony and my sister (maid-of-honor) tagged along for all my last minute errands. My dress was even bought from a second hand dress shop called Off The Rack Bridal in Silverdale, WA.

Honestly if you have anyone at all willing to be at your mercy and help you would with any aspect of the wedding, don’t hesitate, take advantage. Even if they just do handmade paper hears use it as decorations for the tables or as confetti for the walk back down the aisle. Even if your friends know someone who knows someone it will all work to make the wedding more personable and especially affordable.

Our Reception

I didn’t have, well, any money to provide for this wedding it was only though my family (new and original) that Tim and I were able to have this beautiful wedding in Hawaii. It was amazing, between the ceremony on the ocean at sunset and the reception at the same location as my parents, I would never have wanted or asked for anything else. I am grateful and astounded at all the help I received from family and friends alike to put on this wedding. From my beautiful hair being styled and dye purple by one of the only people I will ever entrust my hair, to my snazzy purple wedge heels my mother-in-law bought me,  I was a happy DIY bride.

Our Ceremony Site

The Definition of Blog

According to the Oxford Dictionary a “blog” is a personal website or web page on which an individual records opinions, links to other sites, etc. on a regular basis.

Some key words to pull from that – personal and opinions – a blog is something that took me years to be convinced was a good thing. I thought blogs were fads and they would slowly fade out. But they haven't and though I hate the name of them, I decided to start one (or two) to better exercise my demons.

I actually liked my wedding and created a blog to discuss my Hawaiian roots, my love for my furry caramel shadow and wedding frustrations, ideas and enjoyments. Working for a wedding company I come across a lot of really cool ideas for wedding and just having a wedding helped me to utilize some nifty things. I also use this blog to vent about the frustrations and issues I had with planning to help any bride-to-be out with their upcoming nuptials. If you don't like me being open and honest about my experiences or you think I'm not being grateful or respectful here's the beauty of blogs, you don't have to read it. This blog is about me and while it is open to comments and I do appreciate hearing peoples thoughts (I love a good debate when it's backed by facts), if you find my personal opinions, thoughts and emotions to be rude, overbearing or “too much,” you can click that little red “x” in the upper right corner and read no further.

My second blog is dedicated to my writing. It's where I'll be throwing up my thoughts on my writing career, my ideas, even some short stores or perhaps dreaded poems. While I do like receiving comments and I will not turn down anyone’s suggestions on writing skills, tactics or a good site for telecommute jobs, please do not tell me what I should be doing with my life. Please do not advise me on how to better my life and that I can reach my goals if I only believe and, you know, actually try.

The truth: I love my life. My life is freaking rad! I just married a amazingly, perfectly weird and wonderful man, I have a pooch who is my life, I have a job that takes care of me and has provided endearing, wonderful friends and I have a life outside of work full of family, friends, concerts, movies, comic books and love. Love. Love. Love. Love. Love.

It's my blog and I'll vent if I want to. Let me throw my pity party, bridezilla explosion or wailing wisdom around and get it out of my system.

Thank You.

Write it down – Learn from my Frustrations

Weddings are about lists. Not just checklists or to-do lists but a mountain of other lists to help you keep track of how you want YOUR day to go. Here are some pointers from the disaster that was my beautiful wedding.

Write a list of who you want to thank on your wedding day. When the microphone is in your hand, for some of us (me) your mind goes blank. I wanted to thank everyone from my father to my aunt who let my husband and I live with them when we first moved to Seattle. You don’t have to carry the pieces of paper with you but for me writing stuff down commits them to memory. Plus you can use it as a cheat sheet.

Also keep track of all the crazy wedding gifts, envelopes, etc. that you receive. Thank you cards are mandatory and you need to know who sent you what and how to best thank them. Trust me it can get nice and confusing. Things bought off the registry don't always come with a note of who sent it.

When it comes to photography, I’m sure there are plenty of things you want pictures of – the ceremony, the first kiss, the walk down the aisle, etc. There were a lot of pictures I wish I had remembered to ask for.  Sure, I have tons of Tim and I, the bridal party, my hula, the first dance, etc. But I don’t really have any of the centerpieces, the food, the rings, my shoes even the bouquets. This isn’t really the photographer’s fault. Ask and you shall receive.

None of your vendors are mind readers, so unless you specifically ask for something or explain exactly what you want. They’re going to do what they’ve done before.

The best picture of me stressing on my wedding day.

In general, it’s wise to start a wedding binder, not just to keep ideas for your wedding but to keep notes. Write down anything that comes into your head, even if you’re going to later disregard it. When it’s the day of your wedding, the last thing you want to do is cry in your wedding dress over the fact that you didn’t get pictures of your rings or you forgot to thank your grandmother who raised you or the linen on the tables were wrinkled, or you didn’t remind the DJ to avoid the chicken dance song, etc. (This isn’t all true things that happened at my wedding, just examples)

While you may laugh at me and these small details seem insignificant, wait until it’s your wedding day.  The stress builds and builds until all you see are the imperfections of the day instead of enjoying it. Was this my wedding? No, my wedding was beautiful and while it is still freshly imprinted in my head I am starting to regret that I didn’t become more involved. That I didn’t speak up to explain why I wanted things done this way. That I didn’t climb into the steering wheel to realize my full potential of Bridezilla and not let people sway me. I shouldn’t have had to tell myself “It’s okay.”

It’s okay if I forget to remind the officiant to announce us as Leila & Tim Regan instead of Mr. & Mrs. Regan. It’s okay if the favors aren’t exactly what I wanted. It’s okay that I don’t have any pictures of my hair. It’s okay if people showed up who didn’t RSVP. It’s okay if my family wants to wait to take pictures until after they eat. It’s okay if we enter the ceremony a different way than I’d like. It’s okay if we don’t have anything for people to throw at us as we walk back down the aisle. (This isn’t all true things that happened at my wedding, just examples).

I can live with my wedding, it was beautiful and it took a lot of people to make it the success that it was. I am extremely grateful. I just wish I had better organized my needs, desires, ideas and goals. Perhaps if I had written everything all down, I wouldn’t have been as stressed out the day of the wedding.