There’s a change coming. A continental shift. A third option. I can feel it. I hope it’s a good one but I can never be certain. The last few months I have been on the verge of tears everyday for seemingly no reason. I’ve packed on 10 pounds of stress weight. I’ve taken on more than I can handle at one job while not demanding more pay. I’ve completely dropped out of the loop of the second job because it’s taken them 6 weeks to replace my laptop. My finances because of the aforementioned situation is dust, cobwebs. I find myself pondering how to make a meal out of $5 (The Answer: Hamburger Helper). I find myself sacrificing my health to afford to eat and yet I sense something new within me coming to fruition.
LA is a make or break you type of city. Right now, it’s breaking me but that’s because I let it. I will find my niche. I will find my center. I will find a place that fulfills me financially, emotionally and creatively. Right now I allow myself to suffer for convenience. My current jobs are either from home or less than a 10 minute walk from my house. My voice is not heard at either job. My projects go unrewarded. At the last meeting of my full-time job, the owner asked us to look for other jobs to prove that he was compensating us fairly. I looked. For what I do, I am not being compensated fairly. I am over stressed, over worked and unable to make ends meet. It’s time for me to put forth some damn effort instead of allowing myself to be beaten down. I’m stronger than I will ever admit. Than I will ever let anyone see.
Tomorrow I will be home in Hawai’i and there is a calm that always embraces me there. I hope when I go home to bring this calm back with me and face this change, whatever it may be with huztpah! I will work hard and I will be patient and I will find a place for me amongst the millions of fallen stars in LA. I will not be broken. I will not cry out of frustration. I will not pity myself. I will throw down some roots, I will grow strong and tall and beautiful and not even a California earthquake will shake my spirit, this time around. You’ll see.
