Your Face and Food

Low carb, high protein, no sugar, Paleo, Atkins, shakes, juice, cleanse, percentages … I feel like it’s all such crap. I mean whatever works for your body and you’re willing to maintain long term (meaning until you’re old and wrinkled) then have at it. I know my body and my body rebels against me and pretty much hates everything I try to do to it. That being said, any type of restrictive diet and I don’t work. Okay, THAT being said I have a restrictive diet for medical reasons thanks to my super sensitive stomach. I can’t eat red meat (unless it’s crazy lean, as in as lean as it could ever possibly be. That cow ran marathons in the hills of someplace sunny and had a name), can’t eat mayonnaise, dried apricots, acidic tomatoes, cherries (yeah I still eat them and suffer) and there’s more I just can’t remember right now. Most of these are what I call gut punchers. For me if I eat too much I end up in the bathroom for a good chunk of the day (3-6 hours), in pain. The dried Apricots make my throat close so that’s always fun.   

All of THAT being said, my “diet” is called balance and moderation. Boom! I waved my magic wand and will now lose weight. Ha! But seriously it took me a long time to find what worked for me and I can proudly say I don’t care. If I never get to my “goal weight,” I don’t care. If I plateau and feel my workouts are in vain, I don’t care. If I could possibly be a little bit healthier, I don't care. The reason I stopped caring? If you’re going to try to make me do math or take away my bread I will cut you. I bet there are a lot of things I could do to my diet to make it so that I lose more weight or am slightly healthier but you know what? I don’t care. I try to eat mostly veggies and fruit with some lean proteins (egg whites, chicken breast, lean ground beef and center cut pork loins with the occasional bacon thrown in there), whole wheat or fiber rich breads and pastas and of course white rice that I mix with brown and while I'm not the thinnest I've ever been in my life (18-20 year old Leila was Hot) or as tone, etc, etc. I don't care. I don’t believe my body can’t process the food I’m giving it. Want to know why? Because I have very few stomach issues (aside from where I get sick off cherries) and I poop regularly. Poop is important. I don’t care who you think you are that you’re above poop but you’re not. If you’re not pooping at least once a day, something might be wrong. I don’t know what might be wrong but you should be pooping and it shouldn’t be painful or liquid or weird. If you have a dog and you pick up their poop, don’t tell me you don’t know if something is or isn’t wrong with your dog by their poop. When it’s a weird color, not solid at all, painful or bloody you get concerned right? You should probably do the same for yourself. My dog, like his owner, has a sensitive stomach. He can’t have red meat or pineapples (though he loves them). I can tell when someone (usually me) has been sneaking him restrictive food because his poop is weird and painful. You’ll be happy to know, I poop fine.

Now that I have completely grossed out anyone actually reading this allow me to say: our bodies are wonderlands (ha ha ha). No but they are they are unique, amazing, complex, awe inspiring things no matter what shape or size or color. Find your balance, find what works for you and cling to that for dear life. Make sure it’s something you can maintain until you have more wrinkles than cells in your body (ha!) and don’t listen to the nay sayers, the haters, the advice givers, etc. etc. Unless your DOCTOR tells you you’re allergic or your health needs help, DO NOT GOOGLE DIETING TIPS OFF THE INTERNET or let your friends dictate your diet. What works for them may not work for you. My Tutu (grandmother) has lived her entire life (92 years) off pretty much fresh fruit, meat, rice, coffee, fat and white wine. If you cut the fat off your steak or take the skin off your chicken, Tutu will eat it. My tutu got a hip replaced when she was 90 and isn't wheelchair bound by any sense of the word. She’s only recently shrunk down to 5’8” and I feel like if anyone tried to take away any of her key foods, her health would suffer. Listen to your bodies, work with your bodies, not against them and don’t let your brain do all the talking (Do I really want that hamburger which I know will cause my stomach to explode or am I even really hungry?). Accept your body, listen to it, love it and moving it around a bit doesn't hurt either but don’t take it from me take it from you.  

A Day

I feel it is okay to have a day. Whether it’s a day to yourself or to be sad, happy, to reconnect with nature, to eat a pint of ice cream, to sleep, to drink till you forget, the list continues. It’s okay to have a day. Don’t beat yourself up. Don’t regret your day; don’t be upset that you had it.

I am many things – Awesome, fragile, loving, supportive, petty, funny, smart, stupid, beautiful, etc., etc. I’m not one thing. I am a writer simply because it’s in my heart. Do I get published or even write much anymore, nope. Would I like to, yep but I’m not going to be upset with myself because of my time restrictions or lack of motivation. I can’t be mad at me all the time. Recently it’s been drawn to my attention that I am apparently a photographer too, though I am very, very hesitant to say that. I know many photographers and I by no means can compete with them but I am selling prints of my scenery so I guess I have to accept that I am what I am and that’s all that I am. I am a hula dancer. This I can say confidently. I’ve dance with 3 halaus and 1 group spanning 14 years. I am not a kumu, I would like to be someday, though. I’m just a little brown girl in a little grass skirt in love with my culture, my heritage and the graceful beauty that is hula dancing. I am a runner. No explanation needed, I hope. It took many people to make me realize what I am, what I have the potential to be and what I need to appreciate about myself.

My day today is a pitiful one. My husband and I just moved to California from Washington leaving behind, for me friendships that I cannot replace. Today he leaves for a 2-day trip. I’m alone with my dog in a house full of boxes. I miss my friends, my Washington sunrises, my husband and my crafts. There is the crushing weight of defeat pressing down on me today. This move was stressful our stuff got thrashed in the move, our financial situation is nonexistent, my job got reformed and I was fearing I’d lose it, there was a lot that went into this move. To top it off the move made running sort of null and void for a while and I find myself starting from scratch. Slowly building up my endurance again. My wrist and left hip are both damaged. Hula dancing is on the back burner as is photography. Writing has been on the back burner since 2006.

I feel off track, disassembled, lost. I’m allowing these feelings. I’m letting them happen. I’m letting them wash over me. I’m allowing all the fear, guilt, sadness and pain soak in through my skin. I’m giving myself this day because I know tomorrow is a new day. One where if I need to I will list the benefits of this move. Life is interesting it pulls a lot of magic tricks, a lot of suspense, a lot of pit falls. Give yourself a day to appreciate what you are truly feeling. Let it be one day, then wash that day right out of your hair and send it down the drain.

Something I wrote (somewhat) recently:

Other People

One of my favorite Photos I've ever taken: